I don’t want to be seen as biting the hand that feeds me.  Well, to be honest, despite the numbers floated around the news for shows like Jon & Kate Plus 8 and Jersey Shore, the majority of reality TV pays about the same as a greeter position at the local Wal Mart.  To say our show “feeds us” would be a misrepresentation of the facts.

But here’s one fact, there are officially too many cake shows on television!!! I mean it, waaaay too many.  Why, even this week I had a random run in with another show, Fabulous Cakes from TLC!  There are so many, that my non cake life actually intersected with another show!!  It reminded me of the scene in Drop Dead Gorgeous where the two film crews run into each other and start chatting about their respective gigs.  It’s a funny movie, rent it.

Case in point, Next Great Baker, the spin-off, yes I said spin-off of Cake Boss.  Filming wrapped recently on this contestant driven show where Buddy picks the winner who will receive a cash prize as well as an internship at his bakery.  This gives him the dubious honor of being a part of the saturation of cake shows as well as the unfortunate onslaught of New Jersey based television!  The series will air soon with the finale, filmed in front of a bunch of college students, slated for January.  So what’s the over/under on when the winner’s name will leak on Facebook?

Exhibit B: Staten Island Cakes.  This new show from our mothership, WEtv, has yet to roll camera, but a call for clients has been issued in the Staten Island area. Like Buddy’s flagship program, this series will focus on some 20 year old kid who owns(?) a bakery and his fabulous cake talents.  First of all, how the @%&! does a kid get handed the keys to a business at 20?  He can’t even buy champagne to make a champagne cake!!  Secondly, 20 years old?  Third. he’s really 20?

It is just too much.  I love cake and I love seeing our peers join us in TV land, but the networks are out of control.  Fabulous Cakes has three different shops per episode!  Literally everyone is going to be on TV within the next couple years and you’re going to see a move towards more inexperienced decorators because they are prettier or zanier and that isn’t good for our industry.  We’re at the tipping point my friends. Don’t believe me, let’s run it down:

• Ace of Cakes
• Cake Boss
• Amazing Wedding Cakes
• Fabulous Cakes
• Ultimate Cake Off
• Top Chef: Just Desserts
• Food Network Challenge (uses cake 9 times out of 10)
• DC Cupcakes
• Cupcake Wars
• The Cupcake Girls
• Next Great Baker
• Staten Island Cakes

Holy crap!  And three of those are just about cupcakes!!!!  Listen networks, I love seeing our people well represented and all, but this is getting crazy.  And with that, I’d like to mention I have a great show I’d like to pitch about our shop….

Also, owning a cupcake truck does not make you a pastry chef.  Just saying.

Here’s the press release from the BBC:

DOCTOR WHO TO FILM IN THE U.S. FOR THE FIRST TIME

The BBC announced today that season six of Doctor Who, which delivered record ratings for BBC AMERICA earlier this year, will open with a spectacular two-parter set in the U.S. and penned by ‘Who supremo’ Steven Moffat.

In the special two-parter co-produced with BBC AMERICA, key scenes will be filmed in Utah for a story set in the late ‘60s in which the Doctor, Amy and Rory find themselves on a secret summons that takes them on an adventure from the desert in Utah – right to the Oval Office itself.

Production on episodes one and two of the new season starts in Cardiff this month and Matt Smith, Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill will then travel to America in mid November to shoot pivotal scenes. They will also be joined by Alex Kingston who reprises her role as River Song.

Showrunner and lead writer, Steven Moffat, said: “The Doctor has visited every weird and wonderful planet you can imagine, so he was bound get round to America eventually! And of course every Doctor Who fan will be jumping up and down and saying he’s been in America before. But not for real, not on location – and not with a story like this one!  Oh, you wait!”

Piers Wenger, Head of Drama BBC Wales and Executive Producer, added: “Steven’s scripts generally inspire us to go that extra mile – this time we’re going that extra four thousand. Thanks to our friends at BBC AMERICA and to the continuing ambition of our lead writer and production team, the first two episodes of Matt Smith’s second season as the Doctor are going global and look set to become Doctor Who’s most action-packed and ambitious season opener yet.”

The new season follows on from the Doctor Who Christmas special guest starring Katherine Jenkins and Michael Gambon which is due to premiere during the holiday season. Season six will start airing on BBC AMERICA in spring 2011 and has been split into two blocks, with the second block airing in autumn 2011. By splitting the series Moffat plans to give viewers one of the most exciting Doctor Who cliffhangers and plot twists ever, leaving them waiting, on the edge of their seats, until the autumn to find out what happens.

Filming is taking place in Cardiff until March 2011.

I’m sure all of the pros and cons were weighed when CBS was presented with the possibility of launching an updated version of their classic hit Hawaii Five-O.  Running 12 season from 1968 all the way into 1980, the original Hawaii was the longest running crime drama in history until Law & Order displaced it in 2003.  It was a hallmark of TV dramas and introduced us to one of the catchiest theme songs ever broadcast.  It also brought about a film industry presence in the state of Hawaii that persists today.  How could audiences not want to see a new version?

Relaunched as Hawaii Five-0 (now with a zero!!) a few weeks back, the reboot pulls cast from popular shows like Lost and Battlestar while retaining the original’s origin story, catch phrases (“Book ‘em Dano”), and that spunky theme song.  Does it work?  I’m torn.  Part of the problem with the show is how slick it has gotten.  The opening sequence of episode three made me want to puke it was cut together so fast.  It is hard to convey grit and a criminal underworld when HD cameras and primary colors are bursting with every shot.  The show is too pretty for its own good.  Even the criminals look tanned and relaxed as they commit crime in the Aloha state.

However, my biggest problems come from a casting choice and a writing decision.  First, I just don’t like our lead Steve McGarrett played by Alex O’Laughlin.    There’s little of interest to his character and I feel like he is more of a pale copy of JAG’s David James Elliott than of the original Hawaii‘s Jack Lord.  He just doesn’t have the charisma necessary to carry a show of this magnitude and will be overshadowed by Scott Caan (as “Dano”) and Daniel Dae Kim (as Chin Ho) weekly.  Both of those actors have been quite good so far.  The other problem I had through the first two episodes was how little Grace Park (as Det. Kona) was given or developed.  She is basically bait, being captured and tied to a chair twice already in the show.  Her tough girl persona is explained by little more than an introduction in which she punches out a fellow surfer.  We’ve seen her rock it in space, so I only hope they allow her to be more than a cute girl in a bikini in Hawaii.

So far, the new Hawaii Five-0 is neither sinking nor surfing.  It is just kind of sitting there, floating, waiting for a wave.  It is fun and you gotta love the paradise setting, but if something big doesn’t kick start the series soon, I’ll be striking it from the DVR shortly.

To call Cannell prolific is like calling the Pacific Ocean a bathtub.  As a producer he had his name attached to nearly 80 different TV shows and movies, but as a writer, stand back!  Over 60 shows took advantage of his prowess and that was on top of his 16 published novels.  One gets the sense that his infamous Cannell Productions ID that ran at the end of each episode and showed Stephen typing furiously at a typewriter was less a marketing ply and more a necessity since he was always writing!!  He created and wrote for such legendary TV shows as:

• Ironside
• Columbo
• Adam 12
• Black Sheep Squadron
• Baretta
• The Rockford Files
• The Greatest American Hero
• Hunter
• Hardcastle and McCormick
• The A-Team
• Wiseguy
• 21 Jump Street
• The Commish
• Renegade
• and one of my personal favs, Silk Stalkings

And, he acted!!  More recently you might have seen him sitting around a poker table on ABC’s Castle.  I write all of this because I have mad love for Cannell and what he was able to do with his time on this planet.  Not only did he work his butt off, but it was quality work.  He had a knack for developing characters with real grit and sincerity.  A self-proclaimed “populist,” Cannell’s stories were accessible and entertaining, sometimes pandering, but always told with a skillful hand earned through a combination of talent and determination.  Very few people work as hard as they should in Hollywood, and with Stephen you always got the sense he worked too much.  He was a rare professional and our televisions will be sorely lacking without his bright light behind the screen.

Celebrity obituaries are always a tricky thing.  It seems sort of unfair to sum up someone’s life based on their resume and their public persona.  We’d love to think we really know these folks, but we don’t.  We only know what they let us see.  So, I am not here today to eulogize the great Tony Curtis, who passed away this morning at his Las Vegas home, but rather to thank him for the joy and entertainment he gave us all and hopefully inspire anyone who doesn’t know his work to investigate all he did and continues to do.  After all, as the father of Jamie Lee Curtis, his legacy will continue on for many years to come.

Obviously, everyone should be on a first name basis with Some Like It Hot, but if you are unfamiliar with the great Curtis where do you start in the career of a man with 130 credits to his name on IMDB?  Beyond his gender bending career role, Tony was in everything from westerns to WWII flicks to horror and slapstick.  He worked with Billy Wilder, Robert DeNiro, Stanley Kubrick, Cary Grant, Sidney Poitier, Kirk Douglas, Jimmy Stewart, and was married to Janet Leigh.  It is hard to go wrong with any title you pick up, but to get you started, here are five of my personal favorites to start your education:

1.  Operation Petticoat (1959)

Two Words: Pink Submarine!  Highly overlooked comedy gem with Curtis and the legendary Cary Grant.

2.  Spartacus  (1960)

“I’m a singer of songs, master”  Probably the greatest sword & sandals flick ever, Curtis adds a lot of depth in a supporting role.

3.  The Great Race  (1965)

Think Wacky Races live action style.  In the dictionary under “zany.”

4.  The Defiant Ones  (1958)

Powerful character piece about two escaped prisoners shackled together and on the run.

5.  Sex and the SIngle Girl (1964)

Natalie Wood + screwball comedy = classic 60s comedy gold!  Pay attention to all the jabs at Tony looking like Jack Lemmon, hilarious stuff!

However, with a saga of never ending production hell to rival the Lord of the Rings trilogy itself, J.R.R. Tolkien’s “The Hobbit” is quickly trying to take the crown of the most “unfilmable.”  It’s been three years since director Peter Jackson announced his plans to film a prequel to his Lord of the Rings trilogy and since that brief moment of nerd happiness, it’s been all downhill.  Arguments with the studio, New Line, led to lawsuits from both Jackson and the Tolkien family, then MGM (who was in on the distribution deal) ran into major financial woes casting a shadow on the production.  More recently, acclaimed director Guillermo Del Toro dropped out after two years of work on the movie.  And now, with Jackson agreeing to helm the project himself and things looking up, The International Federation of Actors and the Screen Actors Guild are encouraging actors to stay away from the movie because of some non-union complaints from a local New Zealand guild.  SAG was quick to remind its members that work on this film is in violation of their bylaws and could result in expulsion.  And by “expulsion” and “members” they are pointing the finger at who, Cate Blanchett?  Ian McKellen?  yeah, I see that happening.

Jackson has some colorful comments about the moves from the unions and so far the studios are defending him as well.  I don’t think anyone sees this as an entirely benevolent play from SAG etc., especially seeing as The Hobbit will be basically an identical production to the three LOTR movies already made in New Zealand.  There is a question of financial gain for the accusers to be sure and as long as the filmmakers can show they are acting in good faith and attempting to make the movie on a level playing field, I don’t see how any of this will derail production at this time.

The problem I have with this move from SAG is that it is a little late to the game.  This isn’t a move to create better working environments in New Zealand, its a play against runaway production, a problem that actor’s unions have overlooked for decades because frankly, it doesn’t generally affect their bottom line.  Runaway production hits the pockets of below the line talent and craftsmen, people who can’t move from state to state or country to country to work.  Actors can do just that, so why all of a sudden are groups like SAG and IFA interested?  Possibly because they see a weakness they can exploit with The Hobbit’s troubled beginnings?  Who knows, but I don’t think Jackson’s accusations of “power grabbing” are that far off.  This is Hollywood politics taken to the Kiwis and hopefully, it won’t keep what is sure to be a great movie away from the fans who love Tolkien’s work so dearly.

Here’s a general rule of thumb for everyone out there: any time an actor claims to be retiring from the biz, they are lying or throwing a temper tantrum.  Case in point, the recent hubbub over Amanda Bynes and her Twitter announcement she was retiring… at 24.  That lasted 35 days.  Phoenix managed to pull off a longer stint of retirement, but mainly that was because he was working the whole time.

Along with his brother in law Casey Affleck, Joaquin has been traveling around, poorly rapping, and trying his best to hold character for a mockumentary that premiered at the Venice Film Festival earlier this month.  This week, he returned to Letterman’s chair to perform a little spin control and promote I’m Still Here.

I gotta say, I’ve been only moderately interested in this film and the saga of his fake retirement until this interview.  Joaquin was back to his classic charming actor self, joking around with Dave and revisiting his last appearance.  He talked about how he was sure people would understand it was a joke and was surprised by the attention he received.  But Phoenix also brought up the inspiration for the project, reality television.  As he watched reality TV, he was amazed that people actually believed they were unscripted and wanted to do something to sort of blow up that myth.  What?  This was a noble endeavor?  Now I’m all for it!

See, I am on a reality TV show and completely agree with Phoenix’s assertion that the only thing real about them is people use their real names.  The interview on Letterman was the best promotion for the film I have seen so far.  We all knew it was fake, but now we can see why they did it and the movie transforms from being a footnote to a real piece of cultural criticism, a conversation starter.  Maybe we thought this was just a joke, but now it seems Joaquin Phoenix was making art.  What do you think?

Storming out of nowhere and onto BBC America in 2008, I almost didn’t even watch the American premiere of Gavin and Stacey.  Thankfully, at the last minute I tuned in and felt the kind of immediate love for a show that I hadn’t experienced since season two of The Office (U.S.).  Created by James Corden (who plays Smithy) and Ruth Jones (Nessa) in 2007, this BBC comedy followed the lives of two families (formed of blood and friendship) from the oddly separate yet similar worlds of Barry, Wales and Essex, England as they are brought together by the love of Gavin Shipman and his Welsh sweetheart Stacey West.  If you think you can guess how the show proceeds from there, I can assure you you’re quite wrong.

By shrinking their characters’ existence so much, Jones and Corden were able to create an even bigger world for them to play in, one with an endless onslaught of references and minutia lost to the great big world, but utterly Earth shattering to each of them.  From the ordeal of ordering Indian take away to the mastery Gwen put into the art of the omelet, Gavin and Stacey grew larger with each seemingly mundane detail it portrayed.  But what is truly special about this series is what they don’t show.  Some episodes jump months ahead from the previous one.  Jones and Corden have mastered the art of leaving it to your imagination.  Nessa in particular is a character that references past experiences so outrageous they demand explanation, but instead all you get is knowing nods and confirmations from her pals.  In fact, as a viewer, you often feel left out of the joke as these characters display an intimate knowledge of one another usually reserved for the closest of married couples.  Frustrating?  Surprisingly no!  It is the off-hand remark, the punchline with no set up that is predominately the funniest part of the episode.  Whether by design or not, it is what you don’t know that makes you thirst for more and love this world so much.  In an internet world of complete transparency, Gavin and Stacey is nothing short of refreshing.

Jones and Corden have publicly said they don’t see going any further with Gavin and Stacey, that they have done all they can with the characters.  I find that hard to believe because as a fan, I can see so much more to tell, but I guess they feel the journey is over.  Word is BBC want a 2010 Christmas Special and while Corden has stated special are a possibility given time and the right story, it might not be the best idea for fans to sit around holding their breath.

While I am saddened to leave the world of “hi-ya” and “what’s occurin’” behind, I am extremely grateful for the 20 episodes that do exist and the quality they represent.  I could pontificate on the why’s and how’s all day, but what it comes down to is the show makes me smile.  That wide, giddy happy kind of smile that warms your whole heart.  I love television, and I love a lot of shows, but Gavin and Stacey will take its rightful place in the upper echelon of my all time favorites.  Thank you gang, it was a crackin’ good time.

Well, guess what?  In an era where fact checking is more a myth akin to unicorns, somehow the gang over at TMZ (the Thirty Mile Zone) has become one of the most reliable entertainment news sources on the planet.  How have they done it?  Former lawyer Harvey Levin and his minions have shunned the traditional gatekeeper model and largely present totally unbiased and unfiltered news stories.  Obviously, there is still an element of deciding what to post on the site and when, but the information is about as raw as you can get it.

If you watch the nightly news magazine show from TMZ, you get a glimpse into what Entertainment Tonight used to be back in the early 80s.  Their cameras provide no editorial, no pre-paid industry slant, they just show you exactly what happened from the unflinching eye of a video camera.  There is no agent spinning actor’s words, no rehearsed statement about their latest project, it is just them, being them.  In a way, it is remarkably refreshing!

And think about it, this is nothing new.  Back before the internet and television assaulted us with daily entertainment news, newsreels and glossy once a month magazines gave fans these little daily glimpses into stars lives.  Photo shoots in Rock Hudson’s kitchen or 30 seconds of home movies from Lucy and Desi.  They carried that raw quality, unfiltered and honest.

TMZ is upholding the herald of journalism at a time when the entertainment news shows are on the decline.  Have you seen Extra lately?  Or Access Hollywood?  The Insider has turned into sports radio-esque shouting matches!  A panel of four or five “experts” all screaming soundbites that we heard in the tease before the commercial break anyway.  Remember when they ganged up on Gary Coleman? Toss in E! News and you’ve got four shows that all “report” the same story every night.  Funny how that works, or did you think the studios didn’t pay them for what they do?  They’re all in pockets and getting sheckles to be nightly PR spokesmen for anyone and everyone.

TMZ just lets what happens happen.  Sure they have to bury some stories, gatekeeping to a certain degree what they show, but when they do it show it, it is literally all there for you to decide, along with some snarky comments which most of us can agree are kind of funny.

Is it paparazzi bottom feeding?  Well, yes and no.  The segments that air all have the audio of both cameraman and star, and the banter is usually very light and very friendly.  If the “mark” is unresponsive, they let them go without chase or hassle (usually one or two questions before they give up) and I hear more “please” and “thank you” out of TMZ employees than the entirety of the current U.S. high school system.  They’re not stalking people at their homes, as most encounters are in public places like parking lots or LAX airport. And let’s face the facts people, 90% of those are far from an accident.  You ever wonder what a Hollywood publicist does?  Put two and two together and bam, TMZ “catches” you at the Starbucks in Calabasas.  ”Oh, I’m so shocked you found me out buying toothpaste at Target in my $10,000 outfit from Kitson!”  Not.

Now, we can all argue about the validity of their so-called news and its subsequent value, but the “by the people, for the people” system they’ve installed is an important lesson in today’s information environment.  Too many news outlets have succumb to the hunger for content and disguise reports as real when in fact they are hearsay and occasionally, paid for advertisements.  Maybe someone does pay TMZ to film their client leaving Mr. Chow’s on a Friday night, but ultimately, even if what they say is rehearsed, the footage is there for our brains to absorb and decipher at will.  As a society fueled by free speech and free will, isn’t that all we really want from our news?

Most of the big movie presentations will take place in the cavernous Hall H and while our own intrepid editor Germain Lussier  will be camped out in “The H” all week, some of us need to move around, mingle with the crowds, over pay for a jalapeno pretzel etc.  So here’s our handy little guide to the Top 5 movie highlights for the 2010 Comic Con.  Best of luck getting into them, especially on Saturday!!

Thursday:

• Tron Legacy, 11:15 am Hall H
• The Expendables, 4:45 pm Hall H
• Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, 6:00 pm Hall H
• Secret Origin: The Story of DC, 7:30 pm Room 7AB
• World Premiere: The Lost Boys: The Thirst, 10:00 pm Indigo Ballroom

Friday:

• Super, 1:00 pm Hall H
• Sony Pictures Presentation (Green Hornet etc.), 4:00 pm Hall H
• The Goon Film Panel, 6:00 pm Room 24 ABC
• Rifftrax Live, 7:00 pm Room 6DE
• World Premiere: Batman: Under the Red Hood, 8:00 pm Ballroom 20

Saturday:

• Warner Brothers Presentation (Green Lantern, Harry Potter, Sucker Punch), 11:45 am Hall H
• Let Me In, 1:10 pm Hall H
• Universal Studios Presentation, 4:45 Hall H
• Marvel Studios (Thor, Captain America) 6:00 pm Hall H
• With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: The Stan Lee Story, 8:30 pm Room 6BCF

Sunday:

• Children’s Film Festival, 10:00 am Room 9
• CCI-International Film Festival Award Winners Screening, 12:00 pm Marriott Hall 2

Sunday is a light day for movie panels, but take the chance to check out some of the shorts from the film festival or shop around the floor for all your favorite movie merchandise.  Oh, and sorry Twilight fans, no glimmery vampires for you this year!  See you at the Con everyone!!

(Image via shockya)

This is Real TV Addict, and we love television.  So does Comic Con and the 2010 edition of this pop culture extravaganza is loaded with opportunity to see your favorite shows represented.  Hint: Ballroom 20 is TV headquarters.  Here’s my breakdown of the  Top 5 highlights from each day:

Thursday:

• X-Play Live, 12:00 pm Room 5AB
• A Decade of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Squidbillies and More: Radical Axis Studios, 2:30 pm Room 6A
• Entertainment Weekly: The Visionaries (J.J. Abrams & Joss Whedon), 3:30 pm Hall H
• Dexter, 6:oo pm Ballroom 20
• BBC America U.S. Premieres of Doctor Who (season finale) and Being Human, 8:00 pm Room 6DE

Friday:

• AMC’s The Walking Dead, 11:30 am Room 6BCF
• The Joss Whedon Experience, 3 pm Ballroom 20
• Adult Swim Panel, 4:30 pm Room 6BCF
• True Blood, 5:15 pm Ballroom 20
• TV Guide: The 2010 Hot List, 6:30 pm Ballroom 20

Saturday:

• The Event: World Premier Pilot Screening, 11:15 am Room 6A
• Sanctuary, 1:00 pm Indigo Ballroom (off site)
• ABC’s No Ordinary Family: Exclusive Premiere, 3:15 pm Room 6A
• Warehouse 13 and Eureka, 3:30 pm Room 6BCF
• Nikita Pilot Screening, 5:15 pm Room 6BCF

Sunday:

• Smallville Screening and Q&A, 10am Ballroom 20
• ABC’s Castle, 10:30 am Room 6BCF
• Glee, 1:30 pm Ballroom 20
• Sons of Anarchy and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 2:45 pm Ballroom 20
• Buffy the Musical, 4pm Ballroom 20

Of course, this is just a small sampling, so grab your schedule online or at the show and a highlighter and get to those panels my fellow addicts!!

(Image via washingtonpost)

Comic Con has ballooned into a massive beast of a convention.  While the organizers tout 125,000 passes sold, everyone who attends knows between public sales, exhibitors, press, and industry pros that the real number is much much higher.  It can be an intimidating, yet exhilarating experience.  To get the most out of it you must prepare, train even.  (Seriously, a few weeks of vigorous nightly walks wouldn’t hurt!)  In order to help you on your way to nerd heaven, I’ve prepared some basic tips.  To quote the Terminator, “come with me if you want to live.”

1.The Uniform

Shoes, shoes, shoes!  Personally, I get a new pair about two weeks prior so I can give them a little break in, but whatever you do, make them comfortable.  Good sandals are okay if you’re not planning on spending all day on the exhibit hall floor where your toes will be fair game.  Load up on some pop culture statements with shirts from Threadless, Jinx, or while inside the Con.  Finally, you’ll need a bag, or perhaps a “satchel.”  Whether you go back pack or courier bag, make sure it’s got plenty of room while not being too bulky.  Nothing can piss off a veteran attendee faster than a backpack that hangs two feet off its owner’s back, thwacking everyone behind them while they obliviously stare at some booth babes.  Of course, forget everything I said if you’re planning to go in costume!!

2. Food

This seems like a no brainer, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stuck in Ballroom 20 with a rumbling stomach and a dry mouth.  Unless a 1o minute queue for an $8 pretzel is on your bucket list, pack some snacks and water.  Resist the Rock Star, take water!  There’s a Ralph’s grocery store nearby, hit that up every morning and you’ll be fine.  Also, eat breakfast!!  I know this convention will tire you out, but sacrifice a little sleep for some hearty eats and you will feel better all day for it.

3.  The Program

You’ll get this when you get your badge.  Read it, know it, love it.  Also, the official Comic Con website has it up right now. Highlight what you want to see and do, the prioritize them into three categories: Must, Maybe & Back-Ups.  You will not see everything. You just won’t. With the huge crowds and unpredictable lines, you can’t get from Hall H to Ballroom 20 in 10 minutes between panels.  You’ll even miss “musts,” so quell those moments of disappointment and give yourself to the ebb and flow of the Con.  And don’t forget, every morning there will be update papers available inside the convention. Look for these and grab them so you know when Richard Hatch is signing autographs. (Hint: it’s all day, every day)

4.  If You Want It, Buy It

Sure, you’ll have time to circle the floor once or twice, but so will 125,000 plus other geeks!  Know what you want and what you’ll pay for it.  Will it be at Toys R Us in a week?  Pass.  Exclusive to the Con? Grab it. See if there’s a website for the booth and ask if you can order it online if you’re unsure.  But most of all, it it is a shiny piece of happiness you desire so, get it before you can’t.  Which leads me to…

5. Budget

Be realistic!  Break it down by days for food, hotel, drinks, cabs, snacks, toys, comics, everything.  I always get sketches from my favorite artists and most will post their Con pricing on their websites, so look it up.  Exclusives, look ‘em up.  Pints at Dublin Square, look ‘em up.  And then include surprises.  A few years back there was toy of Jim Henson as a Muppet complete with banjo.  Surprise!  $30 out of my pocket I wasn’t expecting.  And you never know what small press gems you’ll discover, so factor it in as much as possible and stick to it.

6.  Talk to People!

Geeks aren’t the most socially adept species, but this is a nerd prom!  Mingle, chat, talk up the girl in the pink dreadlocks about the Umbrella Academy books in her arms!  You never know who you’ll meet and what information they may have for you.  Suddenly you’re talking to Geoff Johns’ cousin and he invites you to a DC party!  Anything can happen, friendships can be forged it you just open up and engage with the crazy mass of humanity around you.  The comics industry is one of the friendliest around, so take advantage of it!

7.  Artist’s Alley

This is by far one of the coolest parts of any Con.  Every row features some of the most talented artists working in comics today and they are practically giving away original artwork.  Even the more popular artists who charge $100 for commissions are aiding you in theft.  A high quality sketchbook (100 pound paper) is a great idea to bring and becomes a great souvenir of all your trips to Con.  If you want to pick up single pieces, grab a nice portfolio to store them safely inside.  Oh, and remember tip #5!!

8.  Panel Questions

If you want to get up and ask a question of your favorite actor, put some though into it.  Then think about it some more.  Then edit it down.  Then run it by friends and family.  And guess what, for every 100 of you, 99 aren’t funny so don’t attempt to do stand up with your question.  Also, pay attention to what other people are asking,  Every time someone repeats a question asked 10 seconds ago, God kills a kitten.

9.  Take Pictures!!!

This is the most important thing you will do at San Diego Comic Con.  There is so much to look at and so many amazing costumes etc., that your memory card should be bursting at the seams.  Keep the camera charged and at the ready at all times.  Surprises are around every corner and you must be prepared.  That is why I have a picture with Scary Spice outside Pinkbery and you don’t.  If you walk away from Con with less than 500 photos, you have failed.

10.  Use the Website

Pretty self explanatory.  Get the latest from the source!

Overall, relax and enjoy!  Comic Con is a journey not a destination.  If you miss something, chances are you’ll find something equally awesome to replace it in five minutes.  Manage your expectations and realize there are a couple thousand other nerds in the same building looking to the exact same things you are.  Have fun, and again, remember tip #5!!

(Lead image via schadenfreude.net)

Think about it, how many more risks would networks be willing to take if they didn’t feel obligated to commit to 22 and 25 episode orders?  That gets expensive.  Between crew, expendables, locations etc., the bill can skyrocket.  But what if we cut that in half?  At a cheaper price tag maybe Dollhouse (shrunk even further to 8 episodes?) gets three or four seasons or maybe your favorite sitcom doesn’t jump the shark when it runs out of ideas in season five!  It is time for American TV to accept the idea of addition by subtraction.

There is resolution in shorter seasons.  The creators are forced to focus on story and character development free of the burden of time filling.  We could drive TV away from being content surrounding commercials and back to eventful narratives.

Here’s what I propose; 13 episode seasons.  Unlucky?  Don’t be ridiculous, it’s the perfect number!  You toss in three or four repeats (depending on the weeks in a month) and you get four month seasons.  That means networks could have three seasons per year!  That’s perfection.

Networks are already inundating us with summer schedules, often filled with mediocre game shows and overworked reality TV concepts. So why not use your Fall/Spring savings to woo audiences with original programming instead?  Syfy airs Eureka, USA Burn Notice, and both do quite well.  Audiences are there, and even if they can afford a lengthy summer vacation, their DVRs will be home ready to soak up all the nets have to offer.

HBO has been doing this for years.  Do you hear anyone argue about the brilliance of True Blood or Deadwood?  Have you ever heard anyone say, “gee that season went by quick?”  No, because it was enough, it left your thirst quenched.  The Sopranos aired 13 per season, with the final season of 21 being split into 12 and nine.  Why that wasn’t considered two seasons though is beyond me.

And it’s not just pay cable that has figured out less is more, the BBC has been doing it practically always.  The Office, Gavin and Stacey, Doctor Who, Fawlty Towers, Spaced, Father Ted, Keeping Up Appearances, the list goes on and on and on.  No one complains because all it means is more great shows are on the way every couple months.

The Brits aren’t the only ones with shorter seasons.  The practice is pretty much the accepted norm everywhere else.  I was in a Japanese pop band in college.  Yes, I will repeat that.  I was in a Japanese pop band in college.  Only our singer was Japanese and we would sit around and watch Japanese shows with her on weekends and I saw some terrific shows that ran 12 to 14 episodes and that was it. It was rare to see them ever return, they just kept churning out new stories and new shows, but it worked because each one was crafted with care and left viewers satisfied.  By the by, if there’s anyone out there with copies of Age 35, I’ll pay cash!

Not convinced yet? Let’s look at fan favorite Lost.  The first season rocked the television world, creating a rabid fan base.  The third season had more complaints than Toyota accelerator pedals.  The show ended with 121 episodes, averaging 20 a season over six seasons.  So here’s a thought, what if season three vanished to a different island, one without a camera crew and a national TV audience? I mean, it was mediocre at best, no?  Subtract those 20 mediocre episodes, take the remaining 100 and divide them over six seasons and you get 16 or 17 episode seasons.  A lot closer to my proposed 13 and presumably tighter and more compelling story telling.

Now of course all of these thoughts are predicated on showrunners and writers committing themselves to scripting and planning a series and its seasons to take advantage of the shorter time frame.  It also asks that they are committed more to quality than check cashing quantity which could be difficult being as home prices in Southern California are the real estate equivalent of a $10 baseball stadium hot dog.  But we can dream can’t we?

Come on networks!  Drop the bottom line, back end profit BS you’ve been living by for decades and let’s shake things up.  There’s no business like short business!

If you haven’t seen Tim, do yourself a favor and resolve that issue.  Tim is a lovable loser, bouncing from failure to mediocre success and back to failure.  The show is layered with hilarious one liners and situations, like Tim possibly losing his job to a homeless man because he looks better than Tim does with a beard.  It is weird and wonderful.

Blending traditional 2D animation with razor sharp writing, Tim began as a short film with the colorful title, Angry Unpaid Hooker.  It walked away with Best Animated Short at the Aspen Comedy Arts Festival in 2006, enticing Fox to develop the show only to have what would become The Life and Times of Tim premiering on HBO in 2008.

On June 4th, HBO announced they were canceling Tim after just two seasons, leaving fans confused and angry.  I had the chance to catch up with creator Steve Dildarian this week about the show and where they might be heading.

Real TV Addict:  Tell our readers a little about how your background.

Steve Dildarian:  I grew up in New Jersey, then moved to New York after college to start my advertising career.  Over the years I’ve written commercials for Little Ceasers, Staples, and Budweiser, most notably the Budweiser Lizards commercials, as well as the Superbowl ad where the donkey dreamed of being a Clydesdale.  Somehow that led to me creating an animated short film called Angry Unpaid Hooker, then everything just kind of took off.

RTA:  The Life and Times of Tim is very funny and relatable material.  I know some ideas can float in your head a long time before you get it all out on paper, how long did you work on Tim before it was ready to show the world?

SD:  As an idea it kind of sat there in my notebook for a year or so, then I spent another year tinkering around trying to make the short film.  The whole thing was really just for fun, so it was a slow process turning it into a TV show.  Even I wasn’t sure how to do it, I kept debating whether the show should be about the guy or the prostitute.

RTA:  Some might describe the animation as crude, but for me it seems to lend itself to the tone of the show, not unlike an Aqua Teen or South Park.  What led to your choice of animation style?

SD:  It wasn’t a choice really, it was the best we could do. I was trying to make it look great, to be honest.

RTA:  When and how did HBO let you know they were passing on future seasons?

SD:  They called about four episodes into the second season. It was a pretty big surprise because the reviews were so positive and we were finally starting to feel some momentum.

RTA:  Tim was HBO’s first foray into animation in almost a decade, do you think they understood what you were going for and how to market that to its audience?

SD:  They very much understood the show, more than any network we had pitched it to. While most networks were telling me how they’d want to change it, HBO said don’t touch a thing, the short films are great how they are, so just keep making them.

RTA:  Do you think HBO was the right place for Tim, or could it be a blessing to move off a premium pay channel to somewhere like Comedy Central where the audience would likely be much larger?

SD:  To launch the show I think HBO was the perfect place, and I really appreciate the opportunity I was given there. The creative freedom they give you and the patience they have is rare in television.  Moving forward though, I think there might be a network that’s a better fit, where we can play a more prominent role in their line-up.

RTA:  What’s your pitch to a new network?  Are you searching for the chance to do one season and prove yourself all over again, or are you selling the show and yourself as a creative force with five, six, even more seasons in your arsenal?

SD:  Anyone that buys the show now needs to believe in it for the long haul, and assume it was just the victim of under-promotion. In early talks, the overall vibe is that we’d essentially be re-launching the show and exposing it to a new and bigger audience.

RTA:  Are there any roadblocks in place making a new deal problematic (DVD rights etc.)?

SD:  There aren’t any roadblocks really, but as the show keeps getting passed around (Fox, HBO, the next place?) more and more people own a piece of it, so it’s tricky to stay profitable.

RTA:  Besides networks, what other options would you consider for Tim and the gang?  Would you ever take the show online or is that the wrong direction at this point?

SD:  With a different project I’d love to do a web series, but with Tim there wouldn’t be enough production money to produce it the same way.  The last thing I want to do is continue the show but have people feel like it’s changed, or is lesser in any way.

RTA:  What’s the fan response to the cancellation been like?  Are Facebook groups and Twitter armies rising in your name?

SD:  Right now we have a small but very vocal army.  There’s a Facebook page called SAVE THE LIFE & TIMES OF TIM, where you can see their responses.  Everything from sad to angry to hopeful to violent.  I love reading the posts, and responding when I can.

RTA:  I think the fans want to know, as we speak today, how confidant are you a deal to keep Tim on the air is possible?

SD:  In one form or another I’m pretty sure we’ll keep making Tim.  There’s even talk of a movie now, which could be interesting.

RTA:  On a positive note, one of the great aspects of an animated series is getting amazing guest voice actors and Tim is no exception.  You’ve had the likes of Daniel Tosh, Aziz Ansari, and the great Bob Saget.  Who are some of the people still left on your wish list when you find a new home?

SD:  Oh man, there are so many but I’d have to put Larry David at the top of the list.  If that ever happened, I’d be happy to end the show right there and quit while I was ahead.

First of all, if Dennis Hopper heard you say that, he’d jump on your chest and rip your spinal chord through your sinuses.  The two were friends and colleagues.

I am tired of hearing seemingly intelligent human beings make the most asinine statements like “George Lucas raped my childhood.”  That’s a popular one, regurgitated from the mouths of immature 40 year old fanboys on a daily basis.  First of all, using “rape” to describe a cinematic experience is a little like saying “your starving to death” because you really want pizza and all mom has in the pantry is some crappy Fig Newtons.  It is hyperbole, and bad hyperbole at that.

Secondly, in no way imaginable in the universe did George Lucas erase or destroy your childhood.  You short term memory ingrates, he gave you your childhood!!  Without him, you are not rescuing Princess Leia from the backyard sandbox, you’re not quoting C-3PO in college essays, and you are sure as hell not as big a science fiction fan as you are now.  Nothing that can be done today has any bearing on your enjoyment of Star Wars back when you were in Garanimals.

You don’t like the special editions?  I suppose you like to nitpick the plot complexities of Golden Books in your spare time as well.  They are basically the same movies, it’s not like he changed the ending so Chewbacca pulled a Rambo mission on the Death Star to lower the shields.  The plot remains the same.  That being said, yes he should absolutely make the original edits available to any and all who want them.  I for one am getting tired of carrying around my laser disc player every time I want to see Han shoot first.  Also, I completely disagree with Hayden Christensen being the ghost at the end of Return of the Jedi.  But I still like the movie.

Ah yes, the prequels.  You are all so up in arms over the prequels.  Is it because Uncle George didn’t come out and shower you with hundred dollar bills for your birthday?  Is it that he didn’t simply film six hours of your deepest Storm Trooper fantasies, fulfilling your every childish desire?  Is that why today grown men throw temper tantrums over a science fiction movie?  The prequels and their supposed “failure” are all about expectations and our inability to manage them.  All we knew about potential pre Luke story lines was two words: Clone Wars.  So, for 30 years we all thought the prequels would be a trilogy of nothing but ass kicking.  They weren’t, get over it.

But don’t fret crybabies, have you seen The Clone Wars cartoon?  It is everything you wanted from the prequels, so why don’t you just adjust your thinking.  The Clone Wars are now the fabled prequels of your youth, and Episodes 1-3 are the pre-prequels and you can relax and just accept them for who they are.

Does Jar Jar stink?  Yes, but not nearly as much as Jake Lloyd’s “acting.”  Is the romance between Anakin and Padme a little on the forced side?  Absolutely.  Should Lucas have directed the prequels?  Not in a thousand years.  Remember, he neither directed Empire nor Jedi, so at least he should’ve had an “actor’s director” co-helm the film with him so some of those wooden performances got cleaned up.  Rank them however you like, but all in all, it is still freaking Star Wars and Star Wars is awesome.

And coming up we have The People vs. George Lucas, an indulgent exercise in filmmaking that will no doubt prey on the wallets of haters everywhere as they come together like Philadelphia sports fans to spit on the very thing that they love.  It should be like watching an Ain’t It Cool News message board come to life.

But let’s step away from Star Wars for a moment.  Virtually every other movie made today owes something to the legacy of Lucasfilm.  Industrial Light & Magic owns special effects.  THX is to cinema sound what Rolls Royce is to automobiles.  He co-founded American Zoetrope with Francis Ford Coppola.  PIXAR began as a division of Lucasfilm.  He has helped pioneer the advent of digital cameras.  Oh and he is the biggest independent filmmaker of all time.  You do realize Episode 1 was an independent film right?  You know what that means?  George has “F-you” money like you will never see.  He paid for that thing out of his wallet.  The dude’s a pimp.

So listen, am I being tongue and cheek here?  Of course I am.  If I really hated these haters as much as they say they hate Lucas, I’d be just as much of a moron as they are.  But I do believe they need a wake up call.  I love movies and I love Star Wars, but it is time for people to let it go and cease flipping out over mole hills.  Let’s get the original edits released on Blu Ray and call it a franchise.

So there I was, in my car and confronted with the reality that Rodriguez Cabrillo High School next to me was currently home to the filming company of Fox’s musical hit, Glee.  I was also in Long Beach, which meant I wanted to keep driving.  No offense LB.  Education has been an important character in more film and television productions than I could possibly list here.  We’ve all done it, we all know it, and when we see the awkward social interactions of teenagers, there is an immediate emotional connection to us and the 28 year old actors pretending they’re bummed about their Algebra final especially when they still have no date to the prom.  It’s relatable, or something.

One of my favorite teen angst dramas was My So-Called Life.  Angela and company attended Liberty High School in the show which was actually University High School in West Los Angeles.  “Uni” as it’s known, is a bit of a super high school in the entertainment world.  Appearing in over a dozen feature films like 1999′s Jawbreaker, UHS has played a major role in such TV shows as Joan of Arcadia, 7th Heaven, Even Stevens, and Arrested Development.  But if you really want to see a time capsule of the school, check out Shout! Factory’s DVDs of the classic Room 222.  Maybe you’ll spot a young Mark Hamill!

Arguably the most famous of the “actor high schools” is Torrance High conveniently located in Torrance, CA.   Numerous film crews have invaded the home of the Tartars (they must love fish and chips?) including She’s All That, Not Another Teen Movie, Wild Things 3, and the classic Less Than Zero, but TV has no doubt provided THS with all the necessary funding for its music department over the years.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer walked the courtyard at Torrance until later days when Cal State Northridge stepped in as both Sunnydale and Dawn’s college campus.  Currently Medium represents the school on TV, but it is one of the most famous casts of high school students ever that elevates Torrance into the boob tube hall of fame.  I am talking, of course, about Beverly Hill 90210.  Yeah yeah, that new 90210 films there too, but who cares when you can walk down the same West Beverly High stair case where Brandon so deftly avoided Andrea’s awkward advances!  I don’t even know how the students there get any work done.

What about all you High School Musical fans?  I know you want to walk in the footsteps of your favorite Wildcats, but it might be a bigger task than you first thought.  First of all, you’re gonna want to cancel those tickets to New Mexico and head north to Salt Lake City where East High School served as the primary back drop for Disney’s mega franchise.  Don’t stop though, book it over to nearby Murray High School to relive your favorite drama class moments in their auditorium.  When you’re all done, a walking tour of Salt Lake City will no doubt give your inner fanatic plenty of picture opportunities.

Tired of California and the home of Veronica Mars, Oceanside High School?  Neither am I, but feel free to drive past UNC Wilmington if you want to see the Capeside High of Dawson’s Creek days.  The area also hosts One Tree Hill, so keep the camera ready.  Looking for exotic?  Well, nothing says mysterious like Canada!  Degrassi Jr. High used Vincent Massey Public School in Etobicoke, Ontario, birthplace of Dave Foley.  Degrassi: The Next Generation opted for nearby Centennial College.  On the other side of the great white north you can swing by New Westminster Secondary and pay homage to the television legacy of Johnny Depp and 21 Jump Street.

And yes, I hear your screeching young ladies.  If you want Gossip Girl, just walk around Manhattan.

There is plenty more where all this came from, as well as shipping containers full of high schools built on sound stages.  Look up your favorite show and you just might be surprised to see where they called home room.  One last tip though, if you swing by, don’t do it during school hours.  Those underpaid yard narcs can get cranky!

There was a time when steampunk wasn’t too far from reality.  Back when machines made sense.  You could look into the belly of anything mechanical and literally see how it worked.  Here’s the gear that turns this other gear and this pulley does this and now we have a spinning wheel or what have you.  Technology was science.

Take our good friend the television set for example.  It was big and lumbering, requiring large bribes of beer to get your friends to help you move it.  But inside, it made sense.  You could understand why it was so big, so heavy.  There was science inside!  You had tubes and magnets and wires and dials on the front.  Why look at that cathode ray tube glow!  Isn’t it magnificent? But careful. If you break it, all kinds of crazy photons and poison gases will come out and eat your brain!  Science! Ahh!

But in today’s world of high tech, we have moved away from the science and been asked to have faith in our machines.  Tech has turned into religion.  The most extreme example of this has to be the iPad.  Have you seen one, actually seen one, in person? Held it in your hands, felt the “weight” of it?  It’s a short stack of paper!!  There are no moving parts, no discernible access hatch to stick my head into and spy on the mechanisms!  And yet, I can watch television shows and movies upon it.  I can read countless novels and speak to friends around the globe.  If the iPad existed 200 years ago, it would’ve been pronounced a witch and dumped in a tub of water.

And what about the more traditional TV’s in our living rooms.  Mine is twice as big as my last tube set and I can carry it all by myself.  What?!  Why is this thing so thin?  At least my sister’s TV has some weird alien plasma gas inside of it, but mine is LCD. Is that some sort of compulsive disorder?  Does my TV need a therapist now?  Why are there no screws on the back?!  I want some phillips head screws. I must be able to get inside in case of emergency!  Oh my God it is hanging on the wall!!  WITCH!!! WITCH!!!

Of course, the truth is TV sets, like virtually everything else from stereos to refrigerators, have gotten exponentially more technical over the years and less mechanical.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss half my living room being occupied by my television, but there was a comfort in knowing science was sitting there watching Silk Stalkings with me.  Modern TV’s are advanced, too advanced to even warrant us pondering their workings any longer.  Leave that to those lab coats wearing “science priests.”  All we have to do is have complete faith and press the buttons on the remotes.  Wait, where did my buttons go on my remote?!!

Opened in October 2009, the museum sits in the historic Presidio of San Francisco, where the descendants of Disney live today. The first thing that separates the Disney Family Museum from the Disney theme parks is free parking.  The second explains the first, as it is not owned by the Walt Disney Company.  This is purely a creation of Walt’s clan and their non profit Walt Disney Family Foundation, although the two entities do work closely together.  Therefore, it is open to a less glossy approach to his life and work, revealing even the darker moments of the company.

When you arrive, you will enter a hall filled with Walt’s awards.  Hundreds of them. Trophies, plaques, proclamations, ribbons, medals, you name it, you will see it.  There are Emmy Awards, Grammies, honors from virtually every major film festival and recognition from international film societies.  But the most impressive case is the one containing all of Walt’s Academy Awards.  Walt holds the record for both Oscar nominations (59) and wins (26) and all of his statues are present at the museum including the honorary award given to Snow White in 1939.  It is a large trophy featuring one normal size Oscar statue (representing Snow herself) and seven little statuettes for each of the dwarfs.  It is a one of a kind piece of movie history.

Once inside, you will follow a winding path through the retrofitted brick building (a former army barracks) revealing every step of Walt’s story.  In fact, the first room doesn’t even concern Walt, but rather his grandparents!  The thorough examination continues, but is never boring.  The museum is cutting edge throughout, featuring motion sensors that begin playback of sound and video as you approach, giant touch screen consoles that let you peruse virtual books, interactive exhibits, and enough LCD TV’s to fill a dozen Best Buys!

And of course you will see truck loads of animation cells, maquettes, hand written letters, movie posters both real and digital, and all the other normal trappings of a history museum, but you can’t take pictures of any of it due to copyright issues.  Blast!  I really would’ve loved to shown you the Disney Co. hierarchy flow chart where all roads led back to Walt!  It was hilarious.

Filled with film and television history, my favorite part of the museum is after you pass the large window and you spiral down into what was once the courtyard of the building.  Here you will find a giant model of Disneyland as well as a 40 foot tall wall with “old timey” TV sets showing a variety of the live action programming from The Wonderful World of Disney TV show. There is the actual small scale train that Walt rode around his property, a Circle Vision camera, and some fun clips of live action Disney films playing all around.  This is when you go from modern museum to the more familiar glitz of Disney in the 50s and 60s.  By the time you get to the TV set showing old clips of reports on the death of Walt Disney, the experience has been quite an incredible ride.

Other highlights include one of only three remaining original Disney multiplane cameras which is visible in both the gift shop and through a glass ceiling in the museum proper.  Another technical marvel is the (and forgive me I forget the exact name) composting camera that allowed movies like Freaky Friday to be born by layering images together on a single frame of film.  It was the predecessor to “green screen.”

And when I said they weren’t afraid to touch on the less glossy side of Disney, I wasn’t kidding.  Never to be found inside Disneyland are references in the museum to the studio strike of 1941 that even goes into detail about how the communist party was involved and a collection of anti Walt picket signs.  There is a corner of World War II memorabilia including anti Nazi propaganda and a cartoon pin-up of a naked girl drawn by Disney animators for a military publication.  If that wasn’t enough, there is a full case on one of the most controversial Disney features ever made, Song of the South.

Tickets are available online or at the museum and are “timed.”  Running $20 for adults (a good value for what you get to see), each ticket gives you a 15 minute window to enter the museum.  With so much to read and watch etc., this spreads out the guests, but I can’t imagine trying to get through all the exhibits on a busy day.  There’s just too much, so if you can, avoid weekends.

Also, give yourself plenty of time.  It took us nearly five hours to walk the whole thing!  Be sure to eat a good meal prior, as no food is allowed.  There is also only one bathroom and water fountain along the journey, so when you see it, take advantage.  And of course, there is a gift shop.

Why there is no major motion picture about Walt Disney yet confounds me on a weekly basis.  Thankfully, this museum is a treasure of facts and memorabilia about the man who helped change the face of film television many times over through his animation and later live action.  A ground breaking force in entertainment, the museum is a wonderful place to learn more about the man behind the mouse.  It is a true must see.

TV producers and writers are now looked at as equals, with names like Joss Whedon and Ron Moore spoken alongside Ridley Scott and Steven Spielberg.  J.J. Abrams has turned television success into box office glory, and Tom Hanks has turned around and brought epic storytelling to HBO.  Like never before, motion pictures and television are sharing talent and producing quality together, thanks in part to DVD and now Blu-ray.

There are lots of repackaged complete sets of long running shows like Battlestar Galactica, Friends, or M*A*S*H, but the even more satisfying purchase is the moderately priced “complete series” set featuring those shows who only made it one or two years.  I have a number of these from Space Academy and Earth 2 to The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. They’re fun, usually less than $40, and can be watched in one or two sittings easy.  Think of them as unintentional mini series!

In case you’re confused as to where to start with these complete series sets, here’s a few of my personal favorites to get you going.

Firefly – The Complete Series

Let’s call this one the “no-brainer” of the day.  The DVDs are as low as $19.99 right now, so if they’re not already on the shelf, skip a couple days at Starbucks and they’re yours.  Firefly has humor, action, sci-fi, westerns, Chinese language skills, and a theme song that will cause mild embarrassment as you stand in line at the bank one day and the lady in front of you catches you singing it under your breath.  True story.

Kings – The Complete Series

Plagued by changing time slots and lackluster promotion, Kings actually benefits from DVD and the ability to watch it in large segments.  Part Shakespeare, part Bible, it is a challenging story, deftly crafed, and a great example of the power of home video in extending the life of an overlooked show.  On Amazon for a mere $30 as we speak!

Sports Night – The Complete Series

Now we’re cooking with gas!  I love, love this show from a pre-West Wing Aaron Sorkin about a late night sports news program a la Sportscenter.  I think I’ve watched it all the way through a dozen times!  It is all around fantastic, and an insightful look back at Sorkin figuring out his style.  A 10th Anniversary Edition came out in 2008 with plenty of great features the original release didn’t have like conversations with Sorkin, analysis from ESPN anchors, and an all new documentary.  Don’t let the current $60 price tag scare you, well worth every penny.

Star Trek: The Animated Series

I actually own this one on Laserdisc!  This is a lot of fun, but far from great.  Thankfully the original cast provides the voices and it is amazing to see how Shatner’s style of acting fits perfectly with his cartoon self.  Around $30, invite friends over and have a laugh.

Fawlty Towers – The Complete Collection

Recently remastered, this is up there with Firefly in required ownership.  John Cleese is magical as Basil Fawlty and provides audio commentary worth the price of the set alone.  Short at 12 episodes is one way to look at it.  Another is easy to watch over and over again, and believe me, you will.

Freaks and Geeks – The Complete Series

I consider myself both a freak and a geek, so if you do as well, and you survived high school, chances are you’ll dig this hour long about a Michigan high school circa 1980 and its more socially challenged students. From producer Judd Apatow (The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up) this complete series DVD features deleted scenes, bonus footage, outtakes, 29 commentary tracks, a nice booklet, and oh yeah, 18 episodes of perfectly prepared teenage angst fill out this magnificent set.  If that’s not enough though, seek out the pricier “Yearbook Edition” with even more bonus features including the infamous Museum of Television and Radio panel.

Spaced – The Complete Series

Spaced is one of those mythical British shows that when I see a young person watching it I can’t help but want to tap him on the shoulder and say “do you have any idea how long we had to wait for this to come out?!”  I’d only managed about six episodes myself back in 1999 via 5th generation VHS tapes, so this set was a God send.  Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright and company deliver untold laughs.  A great piece of BBC comedy.

The Office – The Complete BBC Edition

Before Michael Scott there was David Brent, his “Freelove Freeway” and it was good.  Very, very good. Better than that. As you can see, these complete DVDs excel in bringing amazing British television shows to our shores.  The original Office is quirky and brilliant and filled with dialog so unbelievable, you’ll find yourself rewinding just to make sure you heard it correctly.  If you have been dragging your feet on this show, pick them up and buy this set today.

There you go, for under $300 you can get all this entertainment and keep your DVD player humming for years to come.

Sue Heck of The Middle (ABC)

Did you see Sue limping around the track in the season finale?  How about when she got her sweater stuck on her braces?  Or maybe the skinny jeans episode?  Cause if you did, you are laughing your you know what off right now.  A fun look into a typical midwestern family, The Middle‘s middle sibling Sue is a trainwreck of social awkwardness pulled off to perfection by Eden Sher.

April Ludgate of Parks and Recreation (NBC)

Now I know April first appeared last year (season one) on Parks and Recreation, but this season was when the writers let her break out and take on a bigger role.  Her text book teenage indifference to everything and everyone (except Andy) makes me yearn for the days of doing nothing at the mall with my best friend as we made fun of every passer by.  Between her dry sarcasm and her gay boyfriend’s boyfriend, April is one of my favorite characters on TV period.

Modern Family…. all of them! (ABC)

Modern Family, where do I start? Is it Manny Delgado, the cherubic self assured renaissance kid?  Or maybe Cameron, Mitchell’s outgoing partner who apparently is, among many other talents, a trained clown.  But then I thought about how much I loved Gloria and her crazy Colombian ways.  But you know what?  It’s all of them!  The whole cast is terrific, each actor slipping effortlessly into their role and the group meshing together into something magical.  Even the baby Lily is too adorable not to love!

Antoine Batiste of Treme (HBO)

It’s hard to pick just one member of this tremendously entertaining and toe tapping ensemble drama from HBO and The Wire creators David Simon and Eric Overmyer.  Steve Zahn was literally born to play Davis McAlary, a DJ/musician who worships at the altar of true New Orleans music and John Goodman is terrific as the cranky pundit of New Orleans, Creighton.  But every week, after I get past singing along to the best theme song on TV today, I can’t wait to see what is up with my favorite trombone player Antoine Batiste.  Maybe it’s because we both own King bones, maybe it’s because we both hate paying cab fare, or maybe it is our similarities in build i.e. we both love New Orleans food.  I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought, does anyone have a bag of beignets handy?

Raylan Givens of Justified (FX)

I’m just going to assume you all watched the greatest drama of the last two decades?  No, not Lost.  I’m talking about Deadwood and finally someone figured out how to put Timothy Olyphant back into cowboy boots without seeming like they’re typecasting him.  Okay, they are typecasting him, but who cares!  Based on a character from a couple Elmore Leonard novels, Olyphant is terrific as Givens, a conflicted man out of time who still enjoys taking the law into his own hands.  Catch up if you haven’t on Justified, you won’t regret it.

And that’s my dean’s list for 2010.  You may now move your tassels to the right, or is it left?  Just move them some direction and then throw the whole hat in the air already!  I wish all of you the best in overcoming your inevitable sophomore slumps.  H.A.G.S.!!!

Watching the Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains finale the other night, I was struck with how much of this show we’ve seen over the years.  Our household hasn’t missed a single episode of its 300 plus run and while the Survivor franchise remains ever the fascinating anthropological study, I can’t help but think there are some interesting curve balls they could throw into the mix.

They’ve done some neat stuff in the past like castaways, three tribes etc., but Russell hit on something in the reunion special this time, mainly the results need to be refined.  Does Survivor still reward the best player, or has the culture of 10 years of broadcasting changed the player’s expectations so much, that the outcome has become more chance than skill?  I think there are a few ways we could bring the level of competition up and get that title of sole survivor into the hands of the most deserving player.  Here’s what I would do to change Survivor.

1.  Bring it back to two Finalists!

This three finalist thing is a cheat and it doesn’t work.  The NFL doesn’t have two teams in the Super Bowl right?  Two combatants, head to head, battling for the title, that is where it began and that is where it should return.

2.  Refine the Q &A

This is easily the most boring part of any Survivor finale.  For every Sue Hawk calling you a snake in the road, there is an equal amount of inane chatter and grandstanding from people who are essentially a bunch of sore losers.  It never fails to amaze me how these people who remain so interesting and compelling during their time as Survivors, suddenly turn into the teacher from Ferris Bueller, putting me to sleep with their droning on and on about how awesome they are and how awful everyone else is.  An eloquent display is the exception, not the rule.

Here’s what you do: each jury member is allowed to ask one question of one of the finalists.  Done.  And it has to be a question, no more of this statement B.S. attacking someone’s character.  Just one, thoughtful inquiry of one finalist and we move on.  This is not The Jerry Springer Show, you want to sling mud, well, that brings me to my next suggestion…

3. Deliberate

This is a jury, so let’s treat them like a jury.  After the Q & A is done, lead them off into a secure tiki room and show them talking about everything that just happened.  If you want to call someone an a-hole, that is the time when you can influence your peers.  Give them a 20 minute time limit, a couple beverages from the sponsors, and then send them back out to vote.  Meanwhile, you can have a camera trained on the nervous finalists sitting back at tribal hopefully spearing each other with criticism.  There, I just increased your drama quotient by 40%.

4.  Keep score

I know Russell really wants the public to be in on the decision, but I agree with Probst, that’s another show.  But there is no reason you couldn’t use the existing structure of Survivor to reward the competitors for all their hard work and success in the final vote.  Think about it, if Parvati had gotten an extra vote in the finals because of all her challenge wins, it could’ve been a different outcome.  Sandra won nothing, and was rewarded for it.  That has to really piss some people off and is not exactly a good reflection on the nature of the competition.  Imagine if a team lost every game in their season, only to be awarded the championship?  Seems weird right?  Whoever wins the most challenges gets an extra vote.  If you win 10 or more, you get another vote.  And hey, if you win none, how about you lose a vote?!

5. Let the fallen speak!

Especially in this season’s “all star” format, it would be interesting to take those voted out immediately aside and say “who would you give a million dollars too?”  That’s eight people with a chance to have their say.  Chances are, the person they vote for won’t even make it into the final, but what if they do?  What if three people said Russell and two said Sandra?  Russell has the most, so give him an extra vote.

6.  One word: Winter

I know gentleman, we all love seeing girls in bikinis and I am sure the site of James shirtless has no ill side effects amongst women, but what happens when bitter enemies are forced to huddle together for warmth in the night?  What happens when it snows?  I’m sure the medical necessities of survival probably make this financially prohibitive, but still, you could stick them up in Alaska in a temperate climate and get some very interesting results.

7. Finally, no one leaves

Instead of putting up those cast away in a cushy hotel off to the side, make them stay out there and compete.  They take part in immunity challenges and if they win, no one gets immunity!  Maybe they snake away the food you so desperately desire?  It also forces the social game into overdrive if the people you betrayed are suddenly out there with nothing to lose and nothing to gain.  It would be anarchy.  There you go, just do it for one season an call it Survivor: Anarchy!!

Clearly an insane success story, Survivor doesn’t meed to listen to any of these suggestions, but as a fan, I’d love to see something more Earth shattering happen to these people to break up the monotony of the “walk of the fallen” or whatever they call it.

The “TV Bug” or “ID Bug” has become a fact of life for modern TV audiences.  They’re everywhere.  Just for fun I flipped to some random Indian channel right now and sure enough they had their corporate initials taking up two thirds of the upper left corner. It is an epidemic and while some channels have taken note and reduced the size of their bug from massively obstructive to mildly obnoxious, they are still there, staring at me in every corner of every station.

The main reason why bugs are useless: I know what channel I’m watching, I don’t need my neighbor to be able to tell from across the freeway.  What percentage of this country doesn’t have a “guide”  function on their remote these days?  Unless you are in some third rate hotel in a strange state and are too lazy to pick up the laminated channel guide on the night stand, chances are you are well aware you’ve tuned into a Spike marathon of MANswers.  And no, NBC, turning your peacock green for Earth Day does not count as community service.

I think bugs might be the biggest reason to buy DVD’s of your favorite show when they’re released.  How many of you Lost fans out there would love to watch the great mystery of the island unravel without being reminded every five minutes that there’s a new Grey’s Anatomy on this week?

Which brings me to the biggest offenders in TV bug-dom, my most wanted list.

4. The Disney Channel

Okay, dirty little secret time.  I love Disney Channel sitcoms.  However, I might enjoy them more if there wasn’t a foot wide Mickey head outlined in the bottom left corner.

3. Food Network

The ghostly images and text are one way to go.  Another is giant full color billboards like the ones Food Network pops up on half their screens just as you were about to dissect the paring knife techniques of Rachael Ray.  We get it Guy Fieri, you like flames, but I don’t need to see you burst into them during Iron Chef.

2. A TLC/Bravo/Syfy Threeway!

This unholy trinity leads the industry in obnoxious reminders that they have other shows you should be watching.  There is so much text on the right hand side of my screen, it looks like someone installed a Twitter feed into the latest Cake Boss!  And then if you’re lucky, actual Real Housewives of Atlanta or wherever will morph themselves onto your set and try and look dramatic.

1. ESPN the Ticker

Not technically a “bug” I know, but combined with the the 4 inches of scoreboard at the top, the ticker takes away even more screen space and then proceeds to bore me to death.  Hey ESPN, you want to give me score updates? Great.  But when you run down the daily batting average of every hitter in every game followed by the top 4 scorers from every NBA game and on and on and on, you’re doing little more than inspiring hate mail.

Let’s end the bugs networks.  Let’s end the endless stream of useless information splashed across my screen and get back to just letting me watch television.

Oh Carla, my Carla.  How are you?  It’s been awhile now since we first met beneath the flicker of light of my very first bedroom television set.  You know, the “hand me down” with the UHF knob and the speaker that would crap out constantly?  Oh, 1988 episode of Who’s The Boss? with 17 year old Carla in a prom dress, how I miss you.

Surprised I recall that night?  How could I forget the day I fell for your lovely brown locks and intoxicating smile.  And when you popped up on Doogie Howser M.D. and ALF, I was there.  I was there when you guest starred on Quantum Leap and The Wonder Years, and during your single season of Falcon Crest. In fact, my favorite Florida born Italian-American actress with a butterfly tattoo, you’ve had nothing but single seasons on TV.

Why is that?  Have you offended TV in some manner?  Did TV hit on you during a wrap party for your movie of the week Murder Without Motive: The Edmund Perry Story?  I certainly can’t blame TV for trying! Whatever happened, it is a shame because you are both beautiful and talented and deserve your chance at television immortality.  And by “immortality” I mean the kind of sweet residual checks that can keep you in Chanel and Louboutins for the rest of your sexy life.  Carla, you deserve syndication.

As Sydney St. James in the aforementioned Falcon Crest, you had only 11 episodes before the show came to an end and still managed to have an affair before fade out!  Then six years later you got a main role as Michael J. Fox’s girlfriend on a promising new show called Spin City.  Things changed and you only made it into 12 episodes.

Not to fear! You nailed the audition and got a role as a doctor on CBS’ medical drama Chicago Hope! Audiences love hospital shows, plus it has Mandy Patinkin and L.A. Law showrunner David E. Kelley!  This will be a slam dunk… what’s that?  Oh yeah, Patinkin and Kelley split in season 2, which was four years before you signed on to finish out the show’s final season at a respectable, yet hardly Earth shattering, 23 episodes.

Oh Carla, when will they learn how amazing you are?  As it turns out, somewhere around 2003 when ABC spent millions to bring a character made famous by Jennifer Lopez in Out Of Sight to TV’s everywhere with Karen Sisco.  Carla, you were a star!  The leading lady and the face of a highly touted hour long cop drama that would surely never be canceled!  Damn.  Seven episodes in and done, leaving three shows unaired with no plans for even a DVD release.  Ouch, but I could never blame you sweet Carla.

Which brings us back to CBS and their idea of a peace offering, Threshold.  This is on DVD and having recently watched all of its paltry 13 episodes, I can safely say, you lucked out on this one.  Better to walk away and rake in some Spy Kids cash than keep up with this sci-fi clunker.

Now, you have had your share of made for TV movies.  Hallmark’s A Season for Miracles and A Private Matter.  Clearly titles of distinction, but my favorite has to be Mermaid Chronicles Part 1: She Creature in which you play Lily, an Irish carny who abducts a vampiric mermaid.  And let’s not forget a whopping nine episodes of HBO’s hit Entourage!

So there you have it, in recurring roles across six shows, TV has only given you 78 episodes to share your spark with the world. I’m holding back the tears Carla.  You deserve so much more!  Call me, I can be your shoulder.  That is, if you’re not too busy promoting your film career, cashing checks from Watchmen DVD sales, getting naked for Robert Rodriguez and oh yeah, Californication!!!

Yours truly,

Michael

Alongside classics like The Brady Bunch, The Jeffersons and Alice was one of my all time favorite sitcoms, Hogan’s Heroes. Although not an official adaptation of the Paramount Pictures release Stalag 17, Hogan’s Heroes was clearly a comedic take on an international group of Allied POW’s operating sabotage missions from inside their Stalag 13 and beneath the monocled eye of Colonel Wilhelm Klink.  It was beyond silly and guilty of “jumping the shark” at least a dozen times, but it was also just crazy fun. Think Mission Impossible without any of the urgency or drama.  Clearly, a concept that must be reborn for today’s TV audience! Here’s who I would cast for more WWII laughs:

Mark Valley as Col. Hogan

Listen, we all know Human Target is gonna get axed.  It’s on Fox after all!  So why not get the talented Valley on board this reboot roller coaster as the charismatic leader of a rag tag crew of POW ne’er do wells   He has the looks and charm to sweet talk the ladies, as well as the believability of leadership.  There’s no way the stalag’s guard dogs could resist him.

Frankie Muniz as Corporal LeBeau

Listen Muniz, put down the race car and get back to weekly serialized situational comedy where you belong!  Now 24, Muniz is perfect for the womanizing walking stereotype of a Frenchman and I bet he even looks sharp in a beret.

Alan Tudyk as Corporal Newkirk

You loved Tudyk in Firefly, adored his crazy Alpha on Dollhouse, and felt weird about him being a lizard in V, now marvel at his masterpiece, Hogan’s very own con-man extraordinaire, Newkirk!  In a role made famous by Richard Dawson, Tudyk would be the perfect man to impersonate German officers and crack bad jokes while crawling out of a tree stump.

Common as Sgt. Kinch

The man behind all radio communications through the tea pot, Kinch also wired Klink’s office for sound and was a former Golden Gloves boxer.  Often the voice of reason in the barracks, who better than the socially conscious rapper/actor known simply as Common to fill Kinch’s boots?

Robert Webb as Sgt. Carter

Hopefully you’ve seen BBC’s That Mitchell and Webb Look or Peep Show, because this comedy duo is amazing!  Robert Webb, with his goof ball skill set and lanky frame, would be the perfect addition to Hogan’s team as his bumbling explosive “expert” Carter.

Kelsey Grammer as Col. Klink

It is so obvious, writing it feels like cheating.  Can’t you just hear Dr. Frasier Crane spitting out “Hooogaan!” as he waves his monocle in frustration?  Brilliant, I know, and an actor with enough success and experience to swallow a co-starring role on a sitcom reboot.

Jorge Garcia as Sgt. Schultz

Schultz is Hogan’s greatest asset, even if he doesn’t know it.  Coming off his blockbuster success as Hurley on Lost, the big man would fill the sergeant of the guard role perfectly.  Just remember, all you need to know is (in bad German accent) “I see nothing, I hear nothing!”  Back up plan: Andy Richter.

Yvonne Strahovski as Fraulein Hilda

This is “fantasy” casting right?  Well, who better to fulfill Hogan’s flirtatious fantasy than current Chuck babe Strahovski.  Plus, Hilda garners about 30 seconds of screen time a week, so Yvonne could keep her spy gig to boot!

I’ve done the work, now get on it tinsel town!  Even if CBS disagrees with me.

Have you ever noticed how cool the jobs of television characters are?  Everyone’s always an architect (How I Met Your Mother, The Brady Bunch) or a writer who owns their own home (Everybody Love Raymond, Castle).  That second one is definitely fantasy!  But what is a bigger fantasy than creating a character who is a professional athlete?  Who wouldn’t love to get $50 million from Nike to wear a shoe, or travel the country on the owner’s dime to hang out at the park all day?  Yeah, we’re looking at you baseball pinch hitter.

TV and sports have had a long and storied life together.  Here then are my Top 5 favorite fictional athletes of television.

5. Failed Golfer Bobby Cobb from Cougar Town

Suffering from a horrible title, I’ve grown to really like this show, and most of that goes to the hilarious ex-husband Bobby and his “lives on a boat in a parking lot” lifestyle.  A talented golfer without the drive to succeed, Bobby has a giant heart and peanut for a brain.  This might explain his vehicle of choice while cruising around town: a golf cart.

4. Football Star Joey Henrickson from Big Love

Quit your whining about your squeaky knee, linebackers!  I mean, what did you think was gonna happen when you tipped the scales at 350 in college?  This dude has real problems!  Instead of cashing in on his talents, Joey’s a murderer in a polygamist compound with a mentally unstable wife and a history of substance abuse.  That’s not something you see everyday in the NFL…. oh wait, never mind.

3. Baseball Slugger Tony Micelli from Who’s The Boss?

A bum shoulder forced Tony out of his career playing second base for the St. Louis Cardinals and into an equally glamorous career of live-in housekeeper.  A widower, Tony was looking for a better life for his daughter Samantha (the lovely Alyssa Milano) and moved to Connecticut where he would often make references to his baseball days and hit the bag, boxing in the garage.  Whatever, let’s talk some more about Alyssa Milano!

2. Hockey Goalie Eddie LeBec from Cheers

Not too difficult to figure out I was gonna go hockey player at some point on this list.  Especially when that character is a goalie, a goalie who lost his skills when he fell in love with irascible barmaid Carla and let the wallet through his legs!  If you recall that episode, you get a lollipop, and Eddie got a gig skating for the Ice Capades after retiring from the Boston Bruins.  Eddie eventually died beneath the cruel blades of a Zamboni, but sadly we never saw the accident on the show.

1. Ace Pitcher Kenny Powers from Eastbound and Down

Most of Kenny’s wisdom cannot be shared in polite company, but he is without a doubt, a tremendous role model to the youth of America.  With sayings like “fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless” and “I play real sports, not try and be the best at exercising,” Kenny is the kind of lower middle class success story about a guy who got thrown out of baseball that can inspire each and every one of us.  Who’s f’ing out now indeed Kenny Powers, American hero.