First he played jaded store owner/ guy who killed shitloads of people “Seth Bullock” in Deadwood. Now he plays jaded U.S. Marshall/guy who kills shitloads of people “Raylan Givens” in Justified. With all that being jaded and killing people you’d think that Timothy Olyphant got his actor’s training from Blackwater. Watching those shows makes me wonder if he practices for his roles by killing dudes and then trying not to blink when their blood hits him in the face.

TV heroes have certainly changed since the days of C.H.I.P.S. and the A-Team, where everyone on the show would go out of their way not to actually hurt anybody. If Timothy Olyphant had been on the A-Team they wouldn’t have been able to afford a van because they would have had to spend all their money on body bags.

I caught up with Timothy Olyphant at a Starbucks in Los Angeles and asked him about his craft, and how he prepares for a role, and in response he shot me at the base of the spine and then made fun of me for crapping myself while I laid there dying. Then he grabbed the girl working behind the counter by her tie and made out with her and when she asked him his name he told her to “Shut Up” and then threw boiling coffee at a guy who was staring at him and then left without a second look back at the chaos he had caused.

God Timothy Olyphant, you’re so cool.