Oh, Stephen Colbert. The more and more I see of you, the more I love you.

On Thursday, July 1st, Colbert Report touched on some pretty big topics, including

Who is really behind the BP oil spill in the Gulf? Colbert has the answer: Dawn dishwashing detergent. NPR recently covered the “cutting-edge” report that one of the main ingredients is petroleum. In fact, Colbert points out, Dawn is one-seventh petroleum. “For every seven gallons they use to clean up a bird, they have to use another gallon just to clean up the Dawn,” Colbert states. “It’s the worst cleaning product scandal since Mr. Clean was caught giving the Brawny guy a Spic and Span. It was fantastic,” He concluded.

Next, Colbert takes on the Spaghetti-O’s recall. The reason the soup was recalled? It was “underprocessed.” Wait a minute…isn’t that what the soup is? Processed pasta? According to Colbert threat number two is actual food. Apparently, you can never have food that’s too processed.

But the gem of the video is Colbert’s report that Texas wants to criminalize sodomy and make gay marriage a felony. “Folks, this is a fool-proof way to end homosexuality in Texas. Gay people are good law-abiding citizens, so if we make sodomy illegal, I’m sure they’ll stop doing it. And if they don’t, we’ll send them to jail, where there is no sodomy,” Colbert said. Obviously, the Texas GOP is threat number one, according to the comic. “Sometimes sodomy can be a depraved, unnatural act of debasement between a man and a woman, as God intended,” he wrapped up.

You’re hilarious, Stephen. Will you be my creepy but funny uncle?