You can’t get away from the BP oil spill that is surging in the Gulf. It’s reaching our shores, and, understandably, our president is….well, he’s pissed.

His oil spill speech stirred up quite a bit of controversy, and Stephen Colbert thought it appropriate to simplify the speech—you know, for those of us who didn’t graduate high school and don’t know any SAT vocabulary words.

Colbert starts out his piece on Obama’s speech by saying it was “a total failure.” Furthermore, he states, “according to a Texas language analysis company, the speech ‘may have gone over the heads of many of the audience’ because it was written at almost a 10^th-grade level.” Wow. Like I said, apparently you wouldn’t understand what the hell Obama was saying if you dropped out of school.

Colbert goes on to show Obama how it’s done: “This, sir, if I may, and I think I may, is how you speak about a crisis in the way that American people can understand.

See spot.” (Enter a diagram of the oil spill in the Gulf.) “See spot spread.” (Enter same diagram, but with a larger oil spill.) “Stop, spot, stop! See Dick.” (Enter picture of BP CEO Tony Hayward.) “See Dick talk. Dick, Dick, Dick. One fish, two fish, red fish, dead fish. Goodnight, Gulf.”

Sadly, that’s about as accurate as you can get about this complete FUBAR.