Yes, Simon Cowell is the most important human being in all of reality. Reality television, that is. That is according to The Hollywood Reporter’s annual list of influential people in reality TV. Just to give you a sense of what being on that list really means, other influential people in reality television include Screech and The Situation.

As often gaudy and retarded as reality television is however, one cannot escape how important it has become to our cultural landscape. An academic could spend hundreds of pages churning out theories on cultural decay, and the tragedy of what the desperate pursuit of fame has done to our psychology. It has obviously made some people crazy (Flava Flav) and some people willing to sit in a bathtub full of coconut oil to look shiny (The Situation), but there it is blaring from our televisions.

And I say, rather than be put off by the muck, it might be better to find cold amusement in the gory aftermath of its affect on us.

Simon Cowell has done just that. He honestly and loudly critiques the ridiculousness of those that participate in his corner of the reality TV spectrum. He is us. Sitting at home yelling at the TV about how ridiculous these people are. And because he expresses our rage, he has gained our affection. Where Paula Abdul showed us the chaos of becoming a reality TV doll, and gained our pity, Simon’s position is much more powerful. He won’t, like Paula, be like that girl in “The Lottery,” sacrificed to the town to preserve it. He has taken the position, to carry the metaphor, of the townsfolk, whose callous resolute determination to live in the face of the bleak spectacle they’ve chosen to save their city outweighs their desire to save it’s saddest residents.