When Lost first came out I was like, “Pssshhhh, everyone likes that show so it must be stupid.” By the time seasons four and five came around I was like, “Pssshhhh that sounds dumb, who cares about numbers and purgatory or whatever, you guys are lame.” And then the series finale came and I was like, “Screw it, I’ll check it out.” So I went to my friend Kim’s place to watch it, and then right before it came on I had to leave.

BUT THEN my friend Mikey came home and raved about how good the last episode was and giggled and pranced like a schoolgirl and I thought to myself, “Man, I want to feel like a giggling schoolgirl like he does. Perhaps I will give this Lost a try.”

So I put on the series premiere.

Dude, that show is so great. Why did no one ever tell me there were giant forest monsters and like, blood everywhere? Why did no one tell me they let the camera linger on a sleeping hot chick in a bikini for like five straight minutes for no reason? Or that a dude gets sucked into a F***ING PROPELLER?

Lost and all the Losties out there, I was a fool, and you have my apologies. I can only hope that catching up with the show will undo the damage I have done to myself, and the world, for ignoring this obviously great show.