As I sit here enjoying my Sunday morning watching some One Hit Wonders on VH1 Classic, I am less inclined to find nostalgia in Ray Parker Jr.’s Ghostbusters than I am to fix my gaze upon the gigantic full color VH1 Classic logo in the bottom right of my screen!  The thing is like an unsightly rash with no known ointment available to clear it up.  Can a man not enjoy Lisa Loeb unobstructed anymore!?

The “TV Bug” or “ID Bug” has become a fact of life for modern TV audiences.  They’re everywhere.  Just for fun I flipped to some random Indian channel right now and sure enough they had their corporate initials taking up two thirds of the upper left corner. It is an epidemic and while some channels have taken note and reduced the size of their bug from massively obstructive to mildly obnoxious, they are still there, staring at me in every corner of every station.

The main reason why bugs are useless: I know what channel I’m watching, I don’t need my neighbor to be able to tell from across the freeway.

 What percentage of this country doesn’t have a “guide”  function on their remote these days?  Unless you are in some third rate hotel in a strange state and are too lazy to pick up the laminated channel guide on the night stand, chances are you are well aware you’ve tuned into a Spike marathon of MANswers.  And no, NBC, turning your peacock green for Earth Day does not count as community service.

I think bugs might be the biggest reason to buy DVD’s of your favorite show when they’re released.  How many of you Lost fans out there would love to watch the great mystery of the island unravel without being reminded every five minutes that there’s a new Grey’s Anatomy on this week?

Which brings me to the biggest offenders in TV bug-dom, my most wanted list.

4. The Disney Channel

Okay, dirty little secret time.  I love Disney Channel sitcoms.  However, I might enjoy them more if there wasn’t a foot wide Mickey head outlined in the bottom left corner.

3. Food Network

The ghostly images and text are one way to go.  Another is giant full color billboards like the ones Food Network pops up on half their screens just as you were about to dissect the paring knife techniques of Rachael Ray.  We get it Guy Fieri, you like flames, but I don’t need to see you burst into them during Iron Chef.

2. A TLC/Bravo/Syfy Threeway!

This unholy trinity leads the industry in obnoxious reminders that they have other shows you should be watching.  There is so much text on the right hand side of my screen, it looks like someone installed a Twitter feed into the latest Cake Boss!  And then if you’re lucky, actual Real Housewives of Atlanta or wherever will morph themselves onto your set and try and look dramatic.

1. ESPN the Ticker

Not technically a “bug” I know, but combined with the the 4 inches of scoreboard at the top, the ticker takes away even more screen space and then proceeds to bore me to death.  Hey ESPN, you want to give me score updates? Great.  But when you run down the daily batting average of every hitter in every game followed by the top 4 scorers from every NBA game and on and on and on, you’re doing little more than inspiring hate mail.

Let’s end the bugs networks.  Let’s end the endless stream of useless information splashed across my screen and get back to just letting me watch television.