Have you ever noticed how cool the jobs of television characters are? Everyone’s always an architect (How I Met Your Mother, The Brady Bunch) or a writer who owns their own home (Everybody Love Raymond, Castle). That second one is definitely fantasy! But what is a bigger fantasy than creating a character who is a professional athlete? Who wouldn’t love to get $50 million from Nike to wear a shoe, or travel the country on the owner’s dime to hang out at the park all day? Yeah, we’re looking at you baseball pinch hitter.
TV and sports have had a long and storied life together. Here then are my Top 5 favorite fictional athletes of television.
5. Failed Golfer Bobby Cobb from Cougar Town
Suffering from a horrible title, I’ve grown to really like this show, and most of that goes to the hilarious ex-husband Bobby and his “lives on a boat in a parking lot” lifestyle. A talented golfer without the drive to succeed, Bobby has a giant heart and peanut for a brain. This might explain his vehicle of choice while cruising around town: a golf cart.
4.
Football Star Joey Henrickson from Big Love
Quit your whining about your squeaky knee, linebackers! I mean, what did you think was gonna happen when you tipped the scales at 350 in college? This dude has real problems! Instead of cashing in on his talents, Joey’s a murderer in a polygamist compound with a mentally unstable wife and a history of substance abuse. That’s not something you see everyday in the NFL…. oh wait, never mind.
3. Baseball Slugger Tony Micelli from Who’s The Boss?
A bum shoulder forced Tony out of his career playing second base for the St. Louis Cardinals and into an equally glamorous career of live-in housekeeper. A widower, Tony was looking for a better life for his daughter Samantha (the lovely Alyssa Milano) and moved to Connecticut where he would often make references to his baseball days and hit the bag, boxing in the garage. Whatever, let’s talk some more about Alyssa Milano!
2. Hockey Goalie Eddie LeBec from Cheers
Not too difficult to figure out I was gonna go hockey player at some point on this list. Especially when that character is a goalie, a goalie who lost his skills when he fell in love with irascible barmaid Carla and let the wallet through his legs! If you recall that episode, you get a lollipop, and Eddie got a gig skating for the Ice Capades after retiring from the Boston Bruins. Eddie eventually died beneath the cruel blades of a Zamboni, but sadly we never saw the accident on the show.
1. Ace Pitcher Kenny Powers from Eastbound and Down
Most of Kenny’s wisdom cannot be shared in polite company, but he is without a doubt, a tremendous role model to the youth of America. With sayings like “fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless” and “I play real sports, not try and be the best at exercising,” Kenny is the kind of lower middle class success story about a guy who got thrown out of baseball that can inspire each and every one of us. Who’s f’ing out now indeed Kenny Powers, American hero.
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