The Love Boat needs a comeback. No? Here’s the evidence:
- A friend of mine has recently been updating her Facebook status with comments about The Love Boat.
- I came home one night last week and my wife was watching a retrospective on TV about The Love Boat.
- At band practice, someone made a joke about The Love Boat’s Capt. Stubing!
Simply uncanny. The universe is clearly telling me something and that something is The Love Boat needs to be revived! Audiences need The Love Boat; Dancing with the Stars has proven it cannot offer quality TV guest spots for desperate actors anymore and the absence of ER has left us with only the mediocre stunt casting abilities of Grey’s Anatomy. There is a giant, cruise ship sized void left in the television landscape and only Princess Cruises has the answer!!! Sing it with me… The Loooove Boat!
Now more than ever, TV could use a good solid relaunch of the greatest cruise ship series in history. The Suite Life on Deck just ain’t cutting it. So, to get the ball rolling, because clearly the universe wants me to, here is how I would cast a brand new Love Boat.
Keith Carradine as Captain Merrill Stubing
You loved him on Dexter, now marvel at him in high seas short shorts as the silver fox Captain of love! As my previous research has shown, you need a good quality Carradine to really make your show a hit, so bringing Keith aboard is good business and he can sing. Double threat! And once you’ve got one Carradine, the rest will surely follow. Maybe Robert could captain the Love Boat‘s sister ship, the Island Princess? I smell Emmy!
Wil Wheaton as Dr. Adam Bricker
Wil has been tearing it up guesting on shows like Big Bang Theory, so why not give him a full time return to television? Plus, I love the idea of bringing the fictional son of a doctor on Star Trek into the fictional role of the Pacific Princess’ ship board doctor! Hell, give me three days and some Mountain Dew and I’ll even write the crossover episode!!
David Henry as Burl “Gopher” Smith
Since Shia LeBeouf has gotten too big, I thought I’d delve back into the Disney Channel pool and tap Wizards of Waverly Place‘s eldest son as the perfect unlucky in love ship goofball, Gopher. You might recognize him as Ted’s future son sitting on the couch listening to the story of How I Met Your Mother, but Henry proves weekly on Wizards that he can sell broad jokes and physical comedy. Toss in a built in tween girl fanbase, and you’ve got Gopher gold!
Donald Faison as Bartender Isaac Washington
With Scrubs on life support, why should ABC waste the talent of Faison? Instead, recycle his wisecracking ways into the role of Issac, the bartender who magically changes uniforms and serves booze at every bar on the ship simultaneously!! Seriously, the guy was everywhere and managed to memorize the passenger list every week so he could call everyone by their first name. I can just see Faison winking at the ladies as he slides a pina colada down the bar right now.
Olivia Munn as Cruise Director Julie
There are two things in this world I classify as inevitable. The first is the robot apocalypse and the second is the reign of Olivia Munn as the queen of television. Already the queen of geeks on G4′s Attack of the Show, her guest roles on Greek and Accidently on Purpose prove she can provide a good time. As cruise director, the Munn would have the boat rocking and rolling from Cancun to Hawaii. Yeah, I know that’s an almost impossible voyage, that’s how good she’d be. Added bonus: she’s a babe.
Britt Robertson as Vicki Stubing
Life Unexpected is on the bubble, and if that bubble should burst it won’t necessarily be because of the actors, so why not pick up the show’s title character (LUX, get it?) and put her in as the daughter of the Love Boat‘s captain and general know it all teenage smarty pants Vicki! Makes sense to me! She’s cute, she’s blond, she’s 19, that pretty much sums up the casting call right there. Britt has already been featured in another series, Swingtown, as well as guested on the likes of C.S.I., so she’s practically a veteran. Sign her up!
Look at that Hollywood! I already did the hard work for you, now go draw up some contracts and let’s get this boat back in the water!!!