Last week ABC revealed the celebrity line up for the new season of their mega reality hit, Dancing With The Stars.  A competition show where famous people are paired up with professional ballroom dancers and then you get to vote and eventually someone wins a rather ridiculous mirror ball trophy.  It has been a money maker for the network, spawning a tour, workout DVDs, and merchandise.  I drove past Cheryl Burke’s dance studio in San Francisco the other day and business ain’t too shabby for her right now!  All of this success is generated by one major ingredient; seeing famous people dance.  The defect in season 10 seems to be they forgot about the famous part.

While the show has cheated a little bit in the past concerning the level of famous their “stars” have attained (Shanna Moakler anyone?), this season is grabbing at straws like never before.  Shannen Doherty?  I’ll buy that.  Pamela Anderson?  Yep, pretty much a career made for this kind of show.  Buzz Aldrin?  What the…?  Nevermind the conspiracy theories surrounding the moon landing, I’m more interested in the conspiracy to get this poor man’s brittle bones on a dance floor!  You’re a legend Buzz, you don’t need this!  Plus, let’s face it, with school budgets being slashed left and right, the buzz on Buzz is fading fast as teachers can barely find time to talk about Neil Armstrong in front of a classroom of disinterested 12 year olds puzzled by the mention of a U.S.

space program.  Ooh, I burned you NASA.  I burned you good.

But Buzz is clearly the sacrificial lamb.  They have one every year and it often backfires.  How long did Steve Wozniak hang around?  The rest of the cast is more head scratching.  Erin Andrews?  I know EPSN and ABC are cousins, but now they’re scraping around the edges of the barrel looking for warm bodies.  How about the other sports world picks.  Oh, another football player?  How terribly original.  Gold medal Olympian?  Well at least that’s original… wait a second!  The Olympics are three for three on DWTS.  Not to mention, Johnny Weir would’ve been way more interesting than Evan Frankenstein and his monotone niceties.

We move on to Niecy Nash.  I love Niecy, she’s funny, but not exactly a household name.  Then there’s the ABC twins Jake “The Bachelor” Pavelka and Aiden Turner who is on a soap opera but models on the side.  Listen, anytime someone puts a “model” on their resume, they are not a celebrity.  Hey ABC, quit it with the cross promotion.

Three words: Kate effin Gosselin.  Is this for real?  ABC, you are an enabler.  Why in the world are we as a society continuing to feed the planet sized narcissism of the worst parental role models in the country?  It is bad enough you’re plugging your own half baked reality show with Pavelka, but now you’re helping out a woman who’s only noticeable contribution to the world is successfully using fertility drugs.  Shark, meet your jumper.

Oh, and did I mention the ringer?  Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger.  I thought this show was about teaching people to dance, not showcasing those who do it for a living.  Nicole could be one of the pros.  10 will get you 20 she shows up in the finals.

DWTS also bids farewell to co-host Samantha Harris.  She is apparently leaving to take on more duties at The Insider.  One question for Sam, have you seen The Insider?  That’s the one where you all sit around a table and scream at each other like a football pre-game show right?  And gang up on Gary Coleman?  You might be betting on the wrong horse my friend.   I’m willing to spread a rumor though that Harris was forced out because she was now more famous than any of the dancing stars.  Let’s get that to trend on Twitter!

The show’s not bad and I don’t mean to bust its chops too much, but if they could put the money machine aside for a bit and concentrate on really loading up the star power, the franchise could last for a very long time.  I’d love to see something akin to dancing with the superstars rather than this mish-mash of names I need to Google.  Well, at least that cutie Julianne Hough is still on the show.  What’s that?  Country music.  Aw crap.