Hey guys!!  It’s me again.  Listen, I don’t mean to be the schoolyard bully.  I’m picking on you because I care.  You’re little peacock feathers are looking dull and lifeless and we need to find a way to rid you of the disease that is making you sick.  I’m here on a mission of mercy so heed my words.

Jenna Bush on The Today Show is the worst correspondent that has ever been or ever will be on television.  Period, done.  Watching her stilted delivery as she trips her way through her cue cards like a five year old upon their first reading of “Mister Bump” forces me to bury my head in my hands and shake it back and forth in utter disbelief.

 I’ve seen marionettes act more naturally than Jenna in front of a camera.  Please give her the boot.

Here’s a tip you might have missed Jenna, when you’re talking to Matt Lauer on the set, look at him, not at the freaking lens!!!  Did she skip TV 101?  Has she ever watched TV?  Did NBC offer her any kind of training or did someone owe the Bush family a favor?  I mean really, any community college media program in Belarus is gonna be able to help her at this point.

It’s not that she’s the daughter of George W. Bush.  I will leave politics out of the equation.  I don’t care that she has the same weasel eyed stare as W. or the equivalent charm of said beast (the weasel, not the ex-President).  What I care about is she uses that vacant stare to burn a hole into the camera and straight into my living room.  The host that drew the short straw that morning stands next to her desperately trying to engage Jenna in conversation and she comes back with, “Thanks… Meredith… it was….a lot………of fun to be…. there…..”  All the while staring straight into the camera.  I’m pretty sure Ann Curry could tell us way more about Jenna’s ear than she ever wanted to know.

Listen, if Jenna was on some local show or doing training videos for UNICEF, fine, but this is the Today Show. This is a 58 year old franchise that spawned the concept of the morning show.  This is not the venue you get to train in, so I don’t care if she is new at it.  If you can’t handle it, you must go and she obviously cannot handle it.  You guys have already tainted The Tonight Show, why are you throwing anchors onto the A.M. as well?!

The most embarrassing part is I know that the crew at Today are fully aware she is this incredibly bad.  It is painfully obvious and when you see Jenna “interact” with the real talent, like Lauer, you can read it on their faces how annoyed they are by her presence.  Every sentence gets dragged across a coral reef only to come out bloodied and beaten.  It is impossible the producers of Today have no idea how horrible a correspondent Jenna is.  I’m on a reality TV show, and if I glance at the camera, my producer stops me immediately.  Why is Jenna Bush being allowed to break the most basic rules of broadcasting?

Come on NBC, get your act together!  When one of you flagship shows is putting someone on a national platform that makes the cast of Jersey Shore look like the Royal Shakespeare Company, it is time for some serious soul searching.  I don’t care who made the decision, they should pay, literally.  They should pay every American viewer who has suffered through Jenna’s stories on a 14 year old soccer player who is wondering why this Stepford Wife puppet is asking her dumb questions.  We’ll accept a check.

Please fire Jenna Bush NBC.  I don’t care who she married or who has pictures of whom, just cut the cord and find someone else, anyone else with an ounce of charisma and the brains to tackle the difficult mission of having a conversation with the person standing next to them.  She is an offense to broadcasters everywhere, an example of how little you care about quality and instead go for stunts like hiring an ex first daughter.  If you can fire someone talented like Conan, you can sure as hell dump Jenna Bush.