Dear National Broadcasting Company,

I know, it’s me again.  I promise this is my last letter on the subject.  Listen guys, a smooth, dedicated transition to Conan was your only hope.  However, since you were greedy and failed to give his Tonight Show the support in both advertising and programming that it needed so you could make a quick buck off a cheap 10 o’clock Leno, The Tonight Show is done.  It is just another horse in a very crowded late night swimming pool.  Why there are horses in a swimming pool, I have no idea.  What I do know is that yours isn’t the prize filly no more.

Now that you’ve killed off the validity of The Tonight Show franchise, alienating at least one entire generation of young, expendable income burning individuals that advertisers drool over along the way (as well as the great land of Ireland) let’s talk fixes!

Face it, these young, card carrying “I’m with CoCo” walking wallets are the ones who are actually awake at these hours to watch late night programming, and they’ll not think half a second about switching on Tosh.0 over Senor Chin any day.

 Just ask network news!  The Daily Show is sarcastic AND informative!  Who needs the dry old local news team!

What?  No, no, no.  That’s silly.  Jay Leno isn’t funny guys.  He’s “Leno” funny, which falls somewhere between Carrot Top and Mad Libs on the humor scale.  I know he’ll get your precious numbers because he is completely innocuous and inoffensive to just about everyone (outside of Team CoCo), but that doesn’t mean his stale material will win over the next generation of late night TV viewers.  There’s a reason he was number one, he puts people to sleep!

I have the answer.  Are you ready?  Sitting down?  Let me bold this out for you, so you soak it up:

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien Complete Series DVD’s!!!

You only gave him 146 episodes, that’ll be easy to serve up on home video.  And since we know there’s no way Leno is gonna use the Masturbating Bear or Pimpbot on his Quaker Oats commercial of a show, this will be our chance to soak up the funny bits you wouldn’t let Conan take with him!  It’s a win win… win!

Old people love Leno like mice love white noise, but the 4 o’clock dinner crowd is never gonna don red wigs in the rain and rally outside your studios.  That sort of dedication deserves a lasting memory of their obsession.  If a full season is too much, then how about a monologue only set?  No , don’t worry.  Leno is the one that does 20 minutes, Conan’s monologues were the right length.

Not convinced?  One word: money.  Oh, now I have your attention.  Just think about all the free cash you’ll be printing.  The show is done and paid for and I’m almost positive no one’s deal includes DVD residuals after you Jedi hand waved Conan’s people into not including a time clause into his contract.  Of course, a time clause for a decades old television tradition of a show that airs at 11:30 every night since 1954 is a little like asking your life insurance company to include an “impaled by unicorn” clause, but I digress.

We’re talking pure profit!  Greedy suits love that kind of thing and that’s you, greedy suits!  You might even be able to pay off that empty state of the art studio you built!  Which, by the bye, I’d love to rent out for my birthday February 22nd if its available.  Snicker… “if.”  I slay me.

To rally support for this cause, I’ve created this petition!

Look at those signatures!  There’s mine, and my sister’s, and an old college friend that moved to France that I haven’t seen in like a decade and has kids now.  That is practically an Internet landslide!  Don’t wait NBC, take advantage of the momentum today!  D-V-D!  D-V-D!  D-V-D!

Sincerely, Team CoCo’s goalie

P.S. Since you care so much about intellectual property, could you please tell Leno to stop stealing bits from BBC’s Top Gear.  Particularly the one where celebrities drive a cheap car around a track.  Yeah, we noticed.