That’s right, folks. Julie Benz of Dexter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame will be appearing in Desperate Housewives as…wait for it….a stripper with a heart of gold who also has a master’s degree in Education. What’s she going to teach little Susie and Bobby? How to properly maneuver on a stripper’s pole that is somehow inexplicably sticky and wet? Gross.
Now, folks, I used to like Benz. I really did. When she was on Buffy and Angel as the mean-spirited vampire Darla, there was only one word to describe her: badass. And then she got a main role in Dexter as the loveably naïve Rita…well, she was lovable for the first couple of seasons. Then she became the crazy skinny woman who nagged our main character and talked with constantly pursed lips, which made me wonder if she had paid for collagen injections. Then her character got killed, and I jumped off of my couch and did a little dance.
So you can imagine my confusion when I heard that Benz was going to be on another popular show, but as a stripper. I have nothing against strippers—everyone has to support themselves and/or pay their way through school, and stripping is better than selling crack to the neighborhood riff-raff. But Benz as a stripper? Sure, maybe five years ago I would have thrown a handful of ones at her feet…but now? Not so much. My advice? Eat a few cheeseburgers, Benz, and get that collagen removed from your lips. Then we’ll talk.
As for now? I will not be tuning in to Desperate Housewives. Count on it.
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