Much like the NFL Draft, every year networks commission bushels full of pilots as they attempt to pump up their schedules with rookie sensations.  Well, at least before the writer’s strike they did, but even with the new landscape of fewer pilots, roughly the same amount of new shows still make it into your living room every year.

Not all of these will stick around for very long.  Ratings, message boards, out of touch executives are all the enemy of the new show.  But how do you rate whether or not one is a flop?  I mean, some of the most beloved shows of all time lasted less than say the 148 episodes The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air cranked out, but I’d call them way more successful.  Star Trek was cancelled after two seasons you know.

 The idea of a flop is a murky one indeed.

For me, it comes down to if the show produced quality television.  Using an as yet unwritten equation involving writing, acting, and entertainment value, my listing of the Top Flops of 2009 is both personal and accurate.  Okay, accuracy is debatable, but I think my choices are valid at least.  Take a look:

10. Hole in the Wall (Fox)

Although it technically premiered in 2008, it finished in ’09 so I’m including Hole in the Wall because it is the single worst game show ever developed anywhere ever!   Watching people compete on the water gun balloon pop at the county fair is more interesting than this protracted 5 minute party game where people literally try to fit through a hole in a wall.

9. Eastwick (ABC)

This is a hole in one.  Today’s TV audience barely remembers the film version, let alone cares enough to tune in to a show with a bunch of background players in the lead roles.  That is if they even knew it was on in the first place.

8. Homeland Security USA (ABC)

This could be a decent concept on say Discovery or A&E, but this expose on Homeland Security had no place on ABC prime time.  Leaving 5 episodes un-aired, the show was shelved as viewers rebelled against a cut rate reality program done too often before and better.

7. Howie Do It (NBC)

NBC “rewarded” Howie Mandel for all the vacations Deal or No Deal brought to the board of directors with his own hidden camera show where Howie often disguised himself to play jokes on people.  People he refused to touch.  The show was forgettable at best.  Ratings plummeted with each week, as only the pilot broke into the Top 100 (#66).

6. Cupid (ABC)

How could I write this list without mentioning Cupid…. again.   Producer Rob Thomas thought 11 years and a change of setting to New York would give his passion project about a real life Cupid on Earth a couple arrows to the hearts of viewers.  After just 7 episodes, I cannot wait to see what he does with it in 2020!

5. The Prisoner (AMC)

The nerd excitement level for this show was high.  The original Patrick McGoohan version was cerebral sci-fi at its wacky 60′s finest.  The remake came off like a Calvin Klein ad from the ’80′s.  Painfully slow and contrived, there was little of the magic that made “6″ a cult icon to be found amid the pretentious desert surrounding AMC’s “Village.”

4. Superstars of Dance (NBC)

The dam was already at breaking level by the time Superstars of Dance hit the floor.  Hosted by the Lord of the Dance himself Michael Flatley, Superstars took the intriguing concepts of So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing With the Stars and ruined them with a forgettable Olympic style international team contest that had more rigging than the HMS Pinafore.

3. Osbournes Reloaded (FOX)

The Fox network is kind of like that guy at your party who is trying way too hard to be liked by everyone and does silly things like give the Osbourne family a show 7 years after they were relevant.  Billed as a variety show, it was so bad it got its only hour cut in half, squandered an American Idol lead-in, and prompted 16 affiliates to not even air the show.

2. The Jay Leno Show (NBC)

See my previous article to get an idea of how I really feel about this scam, but regardless of my feelings, the ratings don’t lie.  Jay’s move to 10 pm was hyped for months with billboards, bus ads, and an annoying string of pitch meetings commercials that foreshadowed the lack of funny to follow.  How long will NBC dump money into this disaster?

1. Harper’s Island (CBS)

The biggest flop of the year has to be Harper’s Island.  A semi-interactive murder mystery that begged viewers to help solve the crime, Island was about as watchable as Carrot Top playing Mr. Darcy in “Pride and Prejudice.”  Meant to spur viewers into water cooler convos about the weekly deaths, no one I knew could even tell you what day it was on.  Coupled with a massive amount of advertising dollars wasted by CBS, this whodunit was more like a whydunit.