I love Shannen Doherty, and I have no idea why.  She’s not a supremely talented actress, often stumbling through lines as her hair tossing tick jerks her head back every thirty seconds.  She never shed her Heathers persona, playing her characters as compassionless spoiled twits and on top of all that, she abandons projects quicker than Paramount heading into the writer’s strike.  Zing!  And yet, in the revolving door of TV, she remains a constant star.

I first recall having a bit of a boyhood crush on Shannen during the short lived Our House where she was the ROTC loving granddaughter of the grumpy guy who tells you to eat Quaker Oates.  I don’t recall anything about the show outside of her being cute as a button and thinking if girls like that wanted to be in the Air Force, maybe I should be in the Air Force.

 I mean look at her over there!  After failing to beat Sonic the Hedgehog, I came to my senses about flying an airplane.

Shannen Doherty has made a career out of not working very hard.  In a way, it is quite admirable and maybe that is why America loves her so.  I mean, let’s face it, if we could only put 3 years into a show (Charmed) and then walk away with 5% of its earnings as it went forward with 5 more seasons, we’d all do it.  Why put effort into your career when you can skate by and still make enough money to live off of?  She’s like the Freddie Prinze Jr. of television!  Zing!!

Why is Shannen a quitter you ask?  Let’s tally it up.  First there was Beverly Hills 90210.  Oh how my generation loved this show!  They were exactly my age so when they graduated high school, I was graduating high school.  When Steve was crashing his Ferarri, I was watching the episode where Steve was crashing his Ferarri.  It was like we were twins and who doesn’t love twins?  Apparently the producers, who booted Shannen and left her on screen twin Brandon alone in the Walsh estate after she annoyed everyone on set.  She was such a nuisance, that her face was blurred out of a flashback sequence during the finale!

Exhibit two is the WB’s witchy threesome called Charmed.  Again, I loved this show and finding out Doherty is a witch might explain why!   I am cursed!  Shannen struck a deal with 90210 creator Aaron Spelling to come back to TV as Prue, one of three sisters in a coven in San Francisco.  All deals with the devil aside, Charmed was pretty good, uniting her with fellow brunette cutie Alyssa Milano and drawing big ratings.  But after three seasons, Doherty jumped ship reportedly because she was pissing everybody off behind the scenes again.  Score one for preemptive strike Shannen!  ”You can’t fire me this time Spelling, I’ll quit first!”

Next we move on to Syfy Channel’s Scare Tactics.  Shannen hosted the candid camera fright fest during its inaugural season, but then left without explanation.  Was she scared or did she realize it was a job? We may never know.

I wish I was done my sweet Shannen, I really do.  Anyone remember North Shore on Fox?  Not surprised since the Doherty infused series about Hawaii wiped out after seven months.  How about Love Inc.?  Even if you do, you might not know Shannen split after filming the pilot with the blessing of the network.  And by blessing I mean armed escort.  The only show she’s seen through to completion is Little House on the Prairie and that’s because she was cast as the eleven year old version of Jenny Wilder two years before the series got cancelled!

Shannen doesn’t discriminate against real life either, having quit two marriages and an engagement to Judd Nelson!  But in 1993 and 1994, the “Doh” made a play to boost her credibility with America by posing nude in Playboy.  Cause you know, that always wins over the Bible belt.

Don’t fret Doherty die hards, Shannen’s not going anywhere.  In recent years she’s learned made for TV movies only require the type of small commitment she’s totally into by starring in Christmas Caper for ABC Family and The Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon for Syfy.  ”Half the work and residual checks?  I’m there!”

But, if there’s one thing Shannen can’t quit, it’s prime time network soaps.  Our girl reprised her role as Brenda on the CW’s reboot of 90210 in 2008.  Even if you leave the franchise a second time, as everyone fully expects you will, I just cannot stay mad.  You are America’s absent sweetheart; the friend who never calls, the sister who pawns your CD collection to back pack through Europe and we love you.  So call me Shan, I’ve got a project I’d love for you to abandon!