A Star Wars Christmas Wish

By Michael Hawk on December 14th, 2009

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George, buddy, friend, pal.  Remember when I used to work down the street  from ILM and you’d ignore me at the stoplight at Kerner and Bellam?  Or all those times I applied for a job and never got hired?  Good times, good times.  Anyhoo, I have a favor to ask amigo.  On behalf of the Star Wars fan community I’m asking you, please, just give it up.  You know what I mean.  The Star Wars Holiday Special.

I understand you had little to no involvement in the project and that you don’t think it represents your vision in any way, but it is too late.  The special is part of the lore now, so why not just claim it and define it in your own terms.  We’ve all seen it already anyway!  Crappy bootleg copies are everywhere and even through the grain and static, we still hold on to our VHS players so we can gather round and celebrate Life Day with Chewbacca and his family.  We know it sucks, we’re with you, but that doesn’t preclude it from being important to our fandom.

You know all that ill will shot your way during the prequels?  Yes, it was a little harsh, but don’t look at me.  I enjoyed them even if Jake Lloyd is the worst child actor ever.  But I can make all those feelings vanish.  Pinky swear.

Here’s how you get it back.  Give us the Holiday Special.  Remaster it, give it that Lucas film touch with special features and galleries and interviews.  Load the disc up with tons of extras and then you, the man himself, lays down a no holds barred commentary track where you open up about any and all resentment you have for the show.  Weapons free George, blast that womp rat!!  Check this out, pull a Disney and limit its release.  Make it pricey, offer it up at the Star Wars shop, and only sell it for like the month of December and then poof… it can be gone forever!  I can see it now, this 2010… Return of the Holiday Special.  It could be epic.

Listen, you think Roddenberry is 100% on everything in the Trek universe?  Of course not, so stop being such a sourpuss.  I mean, you did put Jar Jar up on 40 foot screens across the globe and you’re offended by Diahann Carroll doing a holographic dance number where she sexes up Chewie’s father? Okay, bad example, but you get my point.

If not for the fans, what about Lumpy?  31 years on, he’s grown up, kids of his own and he can’t even show them his one television appearance?  All he hears all year long is how cool Grandpa Chewie is running around with that guy who dates Ally McBeal.  ”Why don’t you carry robots on your back dad?”  Give Lumpy back some dignity George, please!

Take a beat, scan some message boards, Google some stuff, look at your own site (!!) and think it over.  It is not an unreasonable request.  You eventually caved and let Howard the Duck come out on DVD and that was one of the biggest turds of the eighties.  Why don’t you let me swing over and pick you up and we can road trip it to the CBS vaults and take a look-see.  Who knows, it might not even be in there, but something tells me it will be.  You’ll have plenty of time to work up a big surprise presentation at Celebration V in Florida in August too.  Just imagine the applause Georgey, soak ‘em up.

I’ve been waving my hand in a very Obi Wan like fashion this whole time, is it working?  Come on, it’s a good idea. Search your feelings George, you know it to be true!