Dear Jay,
Thank you so much for all your hard work entertaining the night owls of America over the past 17 years. You did a great job as host of The Tonight Show. And by great I mean, pretty good considering you followed Johnny Carson. But now, I am afraid you are cordially invited to walk away.
See Jay, we, the great television viewers of America, can see through the act. We can tell that you simply moved your Tonight Show to 10 o’clock. Nothing has changed. You buttered us up with the promise of more comedy and video segments, but all you did was take the desk away. You still have guests, you still do a monologue, there are still those blasted “Headlines” segments, nothing has changed. You didn’t even leave your studio in Burbank! I thought at first how nice it was of NBC to build Conan some new digs over at Universal, but now I see it was easier than trying to pry your stubborn little digits from the dressing room door.
In fact, let’s talk about Conan. How do you think he feels about being hornswoggled by the network and you after all? I mean, come on Jay, it is pretty obvious that the deal to have you take over 10 pm on NBC was in place before the announcement that Conan was taking over Tonight Show duties. You guys had five years to plan out the move to prime time behind his back, totally stealing his thunder along the way. And recently you were even quoted as saying you’d take the show back. Bold moves Judas.
But the thing is Jay, you’ve grown stale and irrelevant. Web Soup, Attack of the Show, Tosh.0, they all do your bits better than you now. I hate to be a sourpuss, but TV is younger than ever, and we just relate to Conan more now. Plus, it’d be nice to have NBC put some effort into their programming, ’cause once The Office and 30 Rock sign off, good grief! Don’t look so sad gramps. We still love you, just not, you know, in the “want to watch you do the same jokes over and over again till you die” kind of way.
Go play with your cars Jay! Have some fun, enjoy life! Take a page from Carson’s playbook and disappear behind the curtain. You could always produce or write a memoir. Maybe it is time to take the great American road trip in one of your old combustion fire traps. You could even film it and put it up on a blog! Have you tried the Flip camera? Totally affordable on your millionaire bankroll. How 21st century is that now?
I hope you’ve taken no offense to this letter my friend, as none was intended. But let’s not prolong the ordeal any longer. The ratings are in the dumps, so why spoil your legacy by hanging around like Michael Jordan and retiring as a Wizard? Go out as a Bull, Jay! You don’t have to go home buddy (shows in Vegas?), but you can’t stay here. So please, get out!
P.S. Your monologues were always way too long.
Comments
Nurieh
November 23rd, 2009 - 10:51:37 AM
What if Jay really enjoys what he's doing? Would you take that away from him? N
1
Stephen
November 23rd, 2009 - 2:05:46 PM
YESSSS!!!!!!!! You give him too much credit though. The least funny late night show host ever except for maybe Craig Kilborn. His jokes ussually consisted of repeating something a guest said or having someone else tell the joke. Up yours Jay Leno!
2
Michael Hawk
November 23rd, 2009 - 8:14:14 PM
To answer your question Nurieh, yes I would. It's great if he enjoys it, but this isn't a puzzle on your kitchen table, it is NBC prime time and he is ultimately responsible to the network and the advertisers. I'm sure a lot of us would enjoy being on a TV show, but that doesn't mean we get to do it.
3
Joelio
November 24th, 2009 - 9:08:37 AM
Let's be honest here. The real problem isn't Jay, it's the NBC execs who had no better idea than to put Jay on five nights a week. Granted, how can you not see this coming? How many different versions of Law and Order have these people greenlighted? Unfortunately, this is becoming the standard mentality in Hollywood. Play it safe and produce Saw XVII, because there were literally thousands of people lined up to see Saw XVI, instead of taking the chance on something new. The downside is NBC is running low on great shows. 30 Rock is going strong, but aside from that? The Office appears to be hitting its decline phase, with the writers' answer to any problem that comes along being how can we make Michael more buffoonish and Homer Simpson-like. Scrubs and My Name is Earl hit that wall years ago, and the new shows that have replaced them don't have any soul to them. Heroes had a great first season then went down hill quickly. Friday Night Lights has continually been good, but now with Leno occupying the 10 p,m. to 11 p.m.you hear the execs scurrying to find a time slot for it (And when they do find a spot for it, bet your bottom dollar it will be on Friday Night, when the show's target audience is out drinking). The network debuted three new shows this fall, and maybe Mercy will survive until next year. This is a long-winded way of saying there's a reason why NBC is the fourth-place network right now. I don't blame Jay for taking NBC's millions. But I also vote (as does everyone) with my remote control, and there's a good reason I switch the channel before Leno comes on.
4
Michael Hawk
November 24th, 2009 - 11:27:52 AM
Excellent comments Joelio!!! NBC is definitely headed down a dead end alley. Heroes degraded faster than season 2 of Alias and no matter how many critics tell me Friday Night Lights is the greatest, I still haven't seen a single frame of it. The Office is still strong (as proven in "Murder" a couple weeks ago) but Parks & Rec is spreading the combined creative team a little thin. Of course, it has to be hard to work under the constant cloud of corporate takeover that has hung over NBC for so long. I wonder how Comcast will handle the schedule if they succeed in their vertical integration monopoly attempt?
5
J.H.B.J.
November 26th, 2009 - 3:54:59 PM
I always enjoyed Jay, but I couldn't agree more that his time has (or should have) come to an end. Why step down a level and just hang onto threads? I think it's time for him to get into something new. Whether it's spending more time with his cars like you mentioned, or producing or whatever. I'd just hate to see him fade out on late night with no one around...
6