Last week on Californication, the aftermath of Marcy and Rick Springfield has Charlie feeling a little old and used up. In light of his opportunity to get back with Karen and move back to New York with her and Becca, Hank knows it’s time to settle down and stop sleeping around campus, but anyone who knows Hank Moody, knows that’s a feat easier said than done.

While out jogging, Hank realizes he needs to change his ways, but as soon as he returns to campus, Jackie senses that he wants to end things and uses guilt to manipulate him. As she is preparing to go down on him one last time, Dean Coons walks in and catches her on the floor in front of him.

Coons tries to get Jackie to press charges against Hank, but she tells him that Hank was helping her with a story. She hints to Hank that while he may think things between them are over, it’s only just beginning.

At lunch with Jill, Hank is trying to break things off with her. She tells him she’s been thinking about taking things slow. He is just preparing to dump her off when she sees her ex-boyfriend, whom she waited for ten years to propose to her. When she notes that the woman her ex is with has a ring, Hank approaches the table and pretends to be the man’s ex-gay lover announcing that he has HIV.  This act has the opposite affect on her, and Hank is one step further away from breaking things off with his ravenous pack of students.

When he visits with Felicia, she calls him out on not giving his all in trying to make her happy. She tells him she’s having a meeting, and it turns out to be David. Felicia tries to shove him Hank out, and he tries to tell her she’s trying to stick it to the Dean and cashing in her freebie with a cheap imitation of him.  Hank leaves, but then comes back and tells her if she wants to throw her life away, she should use him.

At the office, Sue (Kathleen Turner) tries to get Charlie to take her on, but then she gets a phone call from the big boss.  Sue has Charlie help her approach her first client, who is prepping to dump her. Charlie swoops in and her client tells him that if they fight and Charlie wins, he’ll stay with Sue. Charlie wins, and they keep her client.

Sue and Charlie are having wine in her house, watching porn on laser disc. She toasts to him for saving her client, and the two of them start snorting lines of coke.  She tells him she as a deviated septum and asks her to blow coke up her backside.

Hank comes home and finds out that Becca invited her friends over to have sex in her bedroom. She tells him she wasn’t doing anything wrong, or at least not anything she didn’t learn from him.

Next week on Californication, the cards in Hank’s student sex house start to crumble in around him. How long before he blows his last chance with soul mate, Karen? Tune in with me, and we’ll find out together.