Let’s face it: lately Hollywood has been pumping out some real stinkers when it comes to horror movies. Everything seems to be a rehash, remake or reboot of something or other we loved as kids. For one in every 20 flicks that comes out, maybe two are good, and that’s being generous. Have no fear though, kiddies, your Master of Disaster is here to solve all your problems. When the big screen fails you this Halloween, it’s time to turn to the small one for the Top 5 Scariest Television Shows of all-time!

5. Dark Shadows: This gothic soap opera ran on ABC from 1966 to 1971 and featured everything from vampires and werewolves, to time travel and voodoo.

It initially had no supernatural elements at all, but after six months, the producers decided it was time to set some new standards for daytime television. Creepy atmosphere, a haunting score and some sexy vixens (Lara Parker as Angelique, anyone?) all combined together to make Dark Shadows a horrifying cult classic.

4. Night Gallery: In his follow-up to The Twilight Zone, Rod Serling brings us tales of the macabre as host of this anthology style show. Running from 1970 to 1973 on NBC, this one featured the directorial debut of Steven Spielberg, and had such guest stars as Joan Crawford (in one of her last acting performances), Burgess Meredith and Mickey Rooney. Featuring adapted tales from H.P. Lovecraft and originals by Serling himself, Night Gallery may have a sordid history, but its opening credits still send shivers down my spine to this day.

3. Tales from the Darkside: This was another anthology shaped show that ran from 1983 to 1989 in syndication. Featuring stories from some of today’s masters of horror, including Stephen King and Clive Barker, producer George (Night of the Living Dead) Romero had a hit on his hands by giving the stories an old, EC comics kind of feel, not unlike that of Creepshow. The combination of gore and camp make Tales from the Darkside a classic for fans of the genre.

2. The Twilight Zone: You thought this was going to be number one, didn’t you? Sorry. It does come close though, as creator Rod Serling does a bang up job of bringing us what was one of the original fright fests. Airing from 1959 to 1964 on CBS, The Twilight Zone was known for its ‘twist’ endings. Like those of “The Eye of the Beholder” and “To Serve Man” (based on a short story of the same name by Damon Knight), it never seemed to disappoint the audience. Packed with thrills, chills and the occasional moral dilemma, The Twilight Zone comes in at number two on the list of scariest television shows of all time.

1. Kolchak: The Night Stalker: Staring Darren McGavin as hard headed reporter Carl Kolchak, and airing for just one season on ABC, The Night Stalker comes in at number one on the list. Credited with being the inspiration for The X-Files, this show tackled every mythos possible in just 20 episodes. Vampires, werewolves, zombies, mummies, doppelgangers, witches, a succubus and even Satan himself, were no match for Kolchak. Combining perfectly timed comedy followed by scares to make you jump out of your seat and spill your Bud, The Night Stalker remains the scariest, creepiest, and definitive chiller to ever hit the small screen.

There you have it gang. The Top 5 Scariest Shows of all time, as brought to you by yours truly. So this October for Halloween, when Hollywood gets you down with crappy remakes and another Saw sequel, pick up the DVD’s of these great television classics, turn off all the lights and strap on a pair of Depends because you’re going to need them!